


use/lose your love, tonight

by authorallyy



Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Denial of Feelings, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, First Time, Janis doesnt know whats good for her, Post-Canon, Regina is a bitch, but also is living a lie, everyone is friends post canon, gretchen is trying someone hug her, janis is a flustered gay, janis is damaged, janis is done with her shit, janis just wants attention, regina is secretly soft, regina is using her for sex, still a bitch though, subtle porn with plot, suspicious best friends, very secret, why is no one talking about how disfunctional these two are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-08-19 10:27:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16532819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/authorallyy/pseuds/authorallyy
Summary: “Then what's the problem, Sarkisian? We both get a little something we want, with none of that messy stuff getting in the way.” Regina said then, exasperated as she leaned away with a hand on her bare hip.“I'm not your fucking booty call.” Janis rose her chin, her tongue sharp.“Well duh, I have the cuter butt.”





	1. chapter one. change.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends! It's been a good year at least since I've published any fan-fiction, and I finally got stuck with an idea that seemed to have blossomed into its own little fic. This also has turned into my NaNoWriMo project this month, so if you have any other requests you'd like seen beside this, don't be afraid to chat with me!  
> If you have any questions/comments/etc, you can find me at twiicelost.tumblr.com.

Janis had ideas of some speech she’d give herself, a mental act of grandeur to mark a change in her life, if moving two hours away for college wasn't enough. It wasn’t about leaving home though, it was striping her away her ghosts of her past, the pain that had left her damaged for years, the trauma she let steep in her skin, and the fear knotted in her chest due to all the above. She was going to be happy, she was going to be emotionally available-- she was going to be open, in general. It was harder said than done, she realized, but she was going to try none the less.

It was the year for exploration, to find a cute girl to be the beginning of firsts, to use Cady and Damian as a crutch as she finally allows _herself to be herself._ The revelations of the burn book junior year were one thing, now suddenly she had friends, friendly faces besides her true two, she even had a stint with Abigail Johnson, a pretty brunette who approached her one day after gym. Sure it only lasted a date or two with a few hidden kisses, but it was a taste of something Janis felt she needed-- a hand to hold, a pair of lips to kiss, someone to talk to who didn’t already know all her secrets. It was alluring and dizzying, and it was only a small school crush! It was unbelievable sometimes with how undeniably in love she was with girls. It only bloomed as the suffocating umbrella of fear began to lift, then she was able to comfortably look at girls _like that_ , it gossip to Cady about the cute ones and the one's way out of her league, about how she had a broken 'gaydar' and had no idea how to find out if someone she liked was gay, too. Oh, how she wished to be Damian, loud and proud and unafraid to drop a few compliments as hints to his attraction. It was mostly miss, but when he hit he had stories to tell. She was sure it was only going to double over as now they were at college, the University of Chicago, where faces from around the world were studying.

Janis was unabashedly eager, linking her arms between Damian and Cady as they meandered through the club fair. Cady had already sealed a spot with the UC Mathletes, while Damian encouraged this ‘wild and free’ Janis by pulling the two ladies to the small strip of LGBTQ+ clubs. Gay Straight Alliance, Heard Voices, and a few more.  While Damian chatted up the boy with pamphlets for Heard Voices-- a group of LGBTQ+ students who not only organize meetups to chat and make friends, but offer an open ear to anyone needing some advice when dealing with the tribulations of being part of the community, Janis and Cady stood at the table, looking at the flyers.

“Are you thinking about it?” Cady asked, flipping a pamphlet sitting on the table to it’s back as she glanced over the information.

“Joining? I don't know.” It would give her an in to people she could relate to, but they had yet to walk down the creative arts clubs area, which she was sure she’d find her fit. “What about you?”

Cady giggled lightly. “I don't think its really my place, though I do support you guys. I’ll stick to Mathletes.”

“Have fun with another year of Kevin and company burping prime numbers.”

They both laughed, Cady squeezing Janis’ arm. “Hey! It’s funny. Even though he finds a way to do it every meeting.”

“I don't know how you put up with him,” Janis smiled, joking.

Damian then found Janis’ other side, a torn blue paper resembling the pamphlet itched with numbers between his fingers.

“Should we keep a tally sweetheart? You gotta get your butt out there,” Damian teased, before slipping the number into his pocket. Janis clicked her tongue playfully as they began moving on. Walking down the stalls.

“It’s not about getting the most numbers it’s.. I don't know, finding what I denied myself in high school. To find someone I could be with for more then a few dates.”

“You’re no fun. Isn’t college about experimenting?” Cady chimed.

“ _Ew_.” Janis and Damian replied in unison, glancing between them to the shorter girl.

“No no, not like that,” Cady covered with a dorky smile. “Test the waters, try out different things _within_ your sexuality, the best way to find out what you like is to _sample_ what's offered.” With a wide arm, she gestures to the sprawling quad.

“Says the girl still dating her high school sweetheart,” Damian replied with sass, a smile on his lips as he helped steer the way around people.

“Some of us get lucky,” Cady said softly then, cheeks going pink.

“Mhm, and some of us have fun.” Damian replies with a playful look. “I do agree though Jan, Get out there and test the waters, see who’s biting," He says, snapping his teeth. Janis just shakes her head, a toothless grin on her lips as her friends bicker.

“One toe at a time, Baby girl.”

“Oh!” Suddenly Cady is steering Janis to the right, towards the art section, leaving Damian behind for a moment as he calls after them.

“Hey! Only my Mom can call me that.” He detests, following with large steps.

Drama club, Dance club, then an Art club for every medium. It was Janis’ turn to lead them down the row, finding the traditional painting easily in the glittering autumn sun. Beautiful works, colors dancing in the sun as it bounces off each individual stroke. Faces, landscapes, abstract meshes of color and texture. The girl at he stall grinned as she watched Janis silently fawn over the works she thought she had to leave behind.

The truth was, her parents were against her taking her painting to college. Two arguments: that it wasn't a viable career choice, and she would be spending all her time with schoolwork anyway, and didn’t need the distraction. But this could be her _in_ , a breath above water after all the arguing and yelling about keeping her passion true to her heart. She wanted to be herself, right?

“ _Soul Strokes_. Ignore the possible innuendo. Interested in painting?”

Janis eyes rose to the girl, a warm skinned, honey haired brunette with a mess of curly hair pinned to a bun behind her ear, with speckled freckles littering her skin. She was strikingly cute, Janis noted, before giving the displays one more glance.

“I love it. I’ve been painting for years now.” Oh, how she wished she hadn’t hung up her home-made jacket for good, now a decoration behind her and Cady’s dorm door. The paint was too fragile, not to mention it had seen too many days on the rain, the swatches of paint beginning to chip. She would love to display her passions on her sleeves again, have something tangible to prove to the girl she loved painting just as much as she loved Damian and Cady beside her.

“Ooh, really? Well, we could always use more friends. We meet up every Thursday to discuss and brainstorm, and Friday to do group sessions. If you’re interested..” She trailed off, a smile etching her cheeks.

“Yes!” Janis replied quickly, eyes glittering as the other slid the sign up sheet in her direction. They both grinned, as Janis scribbled her name and number on the sheet.

“So.. Janis?”

“Yes.”

“I’m Emily. See you Friday.” She introduced, giving a little wink before grinning wickedly, pulling the sign up sheet back to the center of the table.

Janis just smiled, cheeks turning a faint shade of pink as Cady pulled her onward, down the row of booths.

“She was into you! And you left her hanging!” Damian groaned, by the time they were out of earshot.

“She has my number,” Janis said defensively, a smile still at her lips as she walked.

“Which is a toe in the water, right?” Cady added.

“A good start,” Damian gave.

Janis felt a little float-y, head spinning around if the wink was playful or flirty. Maybe her ‘gaydar’ was fucked because of how easily flustered she gets. Damian claimed that those butterflies at every glance would fade, and it’d get easier to talk and deal with possible dates. And in hopes, an affinity for knowing if the other was into her would emerge, too.

“Hey, guys!” Cady finally left her arm, jogging a few booths ahead where Gretchen and Karen stood, glancing at the neon pink cheer flyers. They shared hugs as the other two approached.

Behind them emerged Regina. She looked a little older, a little less plastic, yet she still sported perfectly curled hair and a staple pink blouse. Suppose old habits die hard. Janis and the blonde haven't talked much since the release of the burn book and the accident, besides the awkward pleasantries when Janis joined Cady in just about anything the red head could drag her to. Parties, shopping, she had done more things like that over the last summer then she had ever before. Suppose now, she and Damian were active friends with then like Cady was. Regina had made her appearances at kickbacks or the occasional shopping trip, but had excused herself too many times to count.

“Oh, Cady, I didn’t know you were coming to UC.” Regina greeted cooly, before glancing to Damian and Janis, the oddest members to be a part of the group. “You two look.. different,” She commented hesitantly after a short moment, eyes scanning the artist in particular up and down.

“Be nice, Regina.” Cady warned, though a smile was on her face, this wasn’t the first time Cady was the foot between Regina and her friends. Regina resigned to staying quiet, which was just as out of character as the attempt to complement the two gays.

She was right though, they had changed. Though Damian was only sporting a longer, quaffed look and a new wardrobe, Janis had made the big change by letting her hair grow out over the summer away from school, and cutting off the leftover blonde. Her hair was a dark, almost blackish brown, barely touching her shoulders now that she just wore a shirt and flannel-- no bulky jacket.

“I _am_ being nice,” She replied, turning on her heel a moment later. “I’m going to go check out the football team. Are you joining me or not?”

Gretchen and Karen perked, saying their goodbyes as they followed Regina down the booths. It was down to three, Cady glancing over to Janis curiously.

“She’s acting weird.” Cady commented, Joining Janis’ other side again.

“Yeah, she didn't even call us anything rude. Are you sure she didn't get swapped with an alien over summer?” Janis replied jokingly, yet still concerned on the Blondes actions. The look she gave her was momentary and fleeting, yet Janis caught it. what _was_ that?

“Maybe she’s trying this change thing too,” Damian gave, taking a more realistic approach.

“As long as she isn't getting all up close and personal like Gretchen does,” Janis said, wrinkling her nose jokingly as she joined Cady in a little laugh, knowing the girl was overbearingly friendly at times.

“Lets hope its just an end to the names and comments?”

“Please.” Damian gasped hopefully, linking his arm to Janis’ again as he spotted the Drama club booth down the way. The plastics had already rounded the corner. “Less plastic drama, more-- Ooh! _Wicked_?” Damian almost squealed, eyeing the list of productions this year.

“Actually, I bet Aaron is at the football booth. Mind if I leave you guys for a moment?” Cady spoke up, catching Janis’s eyes as she made the request. It was nice of her, since her first year in America, to make sure switching groups for a bit wasn't hurting anyone.

“Go ahead. I’ll meet you at the room?” Janis replied with a smile. Cady agreed, giving the artist a side hug before scampering off where the plastics disappeared to.

“They need female roles,” Damian nudged Janis in the side, catching her attention. She just shook her head.

“Plays and musicals are your thing, baby girl.”

“Janis!” Damian exclaimed, while the girl snickered.

 

* * *

 

 

It had been a few weeks since the club fair, since the first week of classes. Janis wasn’t swamped, but she was a full time student and had to bite the bullet that her homework load took up a surmountable chunk of her time. Already, within three weeks, she had two essays in finish and an infinite stack of worksheets from her other four classes. College level Math, and English, and her three blessed major classes, Study of Anatomy, Intro to Digital Art, and Animation.

Currently, she had put her brain numbing essays aside and was sketching shapes in her art program, a new tool she picked up over summer as a graduation gift. It was also her ticket into doing something with art, her parents allowing the idea of a graphic or product designer. It was weird and nothing like painting, and sure, she had a few stacks of sketchbooks lined with pieces in pencil or charcoal, this was so much more _different_. The slight delay threw her off, the eighth of a second made all her lines look janky and either under drawn or overdrawn, her bad attempts at face structure looking abstract at best-- muse being Cady as she made faces across the room, chatting with Aaron. She had a few funny ones, but nothing she could say looked definitely like Cady, just.. rough scribbles resembling a face.

_Ugh._

“-- Oh, tomorrow?” Janis listened in, as Cady stretched with her phone to her ear. “I mean yeah, If you want me to come with. Okay. No no, we know what happened last time I got wasted-- Yeah, all over _you_. Not repeating that.” Cady giggled, before letting Aaron speak for a long moment.

“Okay. Yeah, get some rest, Babe. See you tomorrow.”

Janis tuned out the gushy stuff, trying to perfect the scrunch Cady does in her nose when she laughs. _This tablet was bullshit,_ she concluded, sighing in frustration.

“Hey Jan,” Cady cooed, moving from her bed, equally covered in papers, to  Janis’ side.

“Mm?”

“There’s a party tomorrow night,” Cady began, “And you’re my plus one.”

Janis paused, stylus creating a wiggly line on her cheek as she glanced to her friend. “I thought you would be Aaron’s plus one.”

“Yeah, kinda. And you’re mine.”

“I don't think that's how plus one’s work, Caty.” Janis smiles.

“Still this is a perfect opportunity to test the waters, right?”

They both giggled a little as Janis rolled her eyes.

“What’s with you and Damian being so obsessed with my love life?” She asked, while Cady gave another suppressed giggle before replying.

“We wanna see you happy, Janis.”

“I am happy. Who says I wasn’t before?”

“This active adventure to change,” Cady sniped, a smile at her lips.

“I can’t better myself? College is a fresh start, yadda yadda.”

Cady watched her playfully for a moment. “Just come, and I promise you won't be disappointed. Lots of cute girls, and if not, you have cheap beer and Aaron and I.”

Janis laughed lightly. “I don't think I want to watch you and Aaron make out all night.”

It was Cady’s turn to roll her eyes. “We’ll keep it to a minimum if it comes to that. Deal?”

Janis was quiet for a moment, stretching out her hand that had still been wrapped around the stylus. She clicked it into the side of the tablet and stretched.

“Ah, fine.”

Cady stood and did a little hop. “Yes! We’ll get you a girlfriend, don't worry.”

“ _I wasn't_ _worried_.” Janis detested with a sort of finality, through a grin was on her lips.

And she wasn’t, really. Sure, she wanted it, she _really_ fucking wanted it, since Abigail. She didn't realize how nice it was to have that sort of relationship in her life till she had it and lost it.

After that, the pair silently agreed to turn in, cleaning up their homework and stacking it at their two desks, small things with a few drawers just off of the foot of both beds. The back of the desk acted like a foot board for the spacious twin bed.

They changed, the idea of the other catching a glimpse of bra or _gasp_ , boob wasn't a worry. Cady was well affirmed straight, and Janis had easily done the same in that Cady was like a sister. She could agree she was cute, sharing a few words with Aaron when watching the red-head dance around at times, but it was on the platonic spectrum. It was the main reason Janis pushed the dorm leads to let them room together, there would be no awkward chance of attraction to a stranger as a roommate.

The next day flew by, only two classes on her roster for the day. Janis flew by them, finished by lunch where she met with Cady and Gretchen, the only two who were out of class at 12. They chatted about the party, at some frat house just off campus. Gretchen and Karen hoped to check out the houses, hoping to get into a sisterhood next year. Cady agreed with Janis that staying in the dorms sounded a lot easier, as the talkative brunette went on about the selection process. Janis was content with sticking it out with Cady and focusing on school.

Lunch flew by too, not needing to speak much as Cady and Gretchen took over most of the talking. While Cady scampered off to her Maths, Janis returned to the dorms alongside Gretchen.

Really, the brunette wasn’t too bad. If you actually listened to her, like Janis often did, you could tell she just needed the reaffirmation that her friends wanted her there, which Janis and Cady was quick to provide, making sure she was included in the conversation. As it came to Janis, the few times they were alone consisted of unblent blabber, usually of things out of Janis’ interests. She still listened, nodding along as Gretchen talked.

As they climbed the stairs to the third floor-- elevator was out of order, to much pain, Janis spied a blonde down the hall, talking to a boy who most definitely wasn't supposed to be here. The dorms had a seemingly loose rule about keeping guys and girls in separate buildings. Gretchen saw her too, waving her over as Regina dismissed the guy, watching as he walked past us and down the stairs.

“Oh look, Grech and Art Freak.”

There it was. Nothing hurtful, at least, but she could hear the cadence on Regina’s voice, its wasn't positive. Janis held her tongue.

“Hey,” She gave instead, as Gretchen started to blab, Regina was quick to shut her up, leaving the brunette a little wide eyed before recovering.

“Well, I’ll tell you later. I’ll see you both at the party?” She smiled.

“Sarkisian is going to the party?” Regina just about purred, arms crossed as her eyes found Janis again.

“Invited by Cady,” She responded plainly, shrugging.

“Well, I guess we’ll--” Regina then linked her arm with Gretchen. “See you there.”

A flip of hair, and the two fluttered down the hall, where their dorms sat around the corner.

Janis stood for a moment, watching them leave. What was her deal? It felt odd having her go from insults to long looks, glances down her frame. Had the artist changed _that_ much?

She mulled over it as she backtracked, down a floor to B-12, the dorm her and Cady shared. It was a quaint room, small but suitable for two. The desks were okay, beat up and plain but they helped out a lot as it came to storage and study space. Each side then had two shelves floating on each side just off the closet, a two door sliding cabinet barely deep enough for hangers. The door sat in the middle,  in to a center space where there was just enough room to do a circle with outspread arms. It was small, but cozy.

Cady had already decorated her side, bed sheets a warm orange with a white and grey birch wood design on her comforter. The shelves held a few smaller trinkets from her life before America, pots and decorative sticks that Cady had explained as ritualistic pieces from back home. Pictures sat between the African artifacts, of her family and the animals back in Africa. It was a warm look, with the yellow light left on at her desk.  It itself was too small for trinkets, littered with work and textbooks.

Janis was as lot more messy as it came to decorations. Before college, she made sure to do a few pieces on unstretched canvas, so her work can lay almost flat on the wall. It was a large square, _a_ 3/4ths perspective portrait of the bride of Frankenstein, in technicolor shapes that contrasted the plain white walls. It was one of Janis' favorite, a piece she turned in late senior year. Her teacher had said it challenged the color theory of Andy Warhol, which she could tell was an exaggerated complement. She took it though, just glancing at it now filled her with inspiration.

The shelves held two photos, one of her family and the other a shot for the three best friends at Spring Fling, the year Cady came to America. It was a crazy year, but it was one of the best now that she had Cady as a best friend. For trinkets it was busy, a few jars of  hand mixed paints that could already be dried-- she hadn't been painting lately to check. A mason jar of her brushes, a posable figure, and a few mini canvases. Those had a lot less work put into them, one of them with a jokingly painted ‘FUCK’ on it, a addition from Cady. Another was a hand, roughly painted and mostly just a mini study on shadowing. The last was a gradient of the lesbian pride flag, going from a muted magenta to white to maroon. It sat on its own little easel, a little reminder what she was who she was, and she was proud of it.

Janis spent the rest of the afternoon cramming in homework, before joining Cady when she got back to shower then get ready. Then it began, the look for a proper outfit.

While Cady dug in her side of the closet for a cute top, Janis assembled something easily, something on brand yet a little sexy-- to the artist anyways, since it was a party. Fishnet leggings and high-waisted shorts, black of course then accompanied her everyday boots. For a top, she found an older shirt, the black worn to a dark grey. It fell just at the button of the shorts which created a cropped look without the belly showing, unless Janis rose her arms. She’d keep her arms at her sides, then. It was a _Rush_ shirt, the design wearing apart where she can cropped the neckline to a wide swoop. A teenage diy when perfecting her rough-around-the-edges grunge look she had.

It wasn't as revealing as she expected, which suited the artist just fine as she slipped on a small accent necklace falling at her exposed skin. A glance in her mirror, and she accepted the look. It was still in her realm of style, a little backstreet-thrifting grunge, but stylish with her hair drying rapidly (the wonders of shorter hair) with soft waves. Her hair was always a touch curly, falling this way and that on its own. Now that it was shorter it just got fluffy, if she didn't brush it out and straighten it after, like she normally did. This time, she just brushed through it enough to have it relax in volumized waves around her cheeks and neck.

“Ready?” Cady asked, watching as Janis sat crossed legged at the mirror, mascara wand about halfway in her eye. A quick, small cat eye and mascara, paired with a dark maroon color at her lips, she was.

“Let’s kill it.”


	2. chapter two. anonymity.

The walk to the party wasn’t as long as she expected, the dorms lying against the gates to the frat house neighborhood. There were a few parties happening, music sorta drifting from house to house easily. It was a little chilly, making her glad they got to the right house and inside quickly. It was, for lack of better words, loud inside, between music that vibrated the floor in the slightest and all the shouting and talking over the music, the ambiance itself breathing with sound. Cady was quick to link her arm with the other’s, pulling the artist towards the kitchen. There sat a large island, with enough seats for the larger quantity of frat mates. Currently, the surface was littered with pizza boxes, beer boxes, and bottles of liquor. A quick peek from Cady and the boxes were empty, the beer hidden in the fridge. While Cady took one, Janis instead took the opportunity to grab a coke beside the beers, and promptly mix it with some Jack. That would be her one drink of the night, something a little stronger but more her taste to sip on as she evidently followed Cady around.

In a burst of whoops from the door, Regina had arrived, striding cooly through the groups surrounding the door. Her eyes scanned the party, seeing Gretchen and Karen off my the speakers chatting and drinking. She spotted Cady, and Janis beside her, and made her way over. 

She wore white, a signature tight bodied two piece button up top and white jeans. Janis glanced up first, always keeping an eye for what Regina was around, unsure of what she had in mind.

“Cady,” Regina greeted, sliding beside the redhead as she took a gulp of beer. “God, did you guys just get here? Let’s do shots.”

“I told Aaron I was only having the one beer.” Cady admitted, dismissing the offer gently.

“Boo, you’re no fun. Sarkisian?”

Janis eyes the blonde for half a second, taking in her genuine tone. “I’m not getting shit faced.” Janis replied in a stale tone, still not letting up for the cursory attitude the plastic held. Regina just pouted at the two, leaning on the counter with her butt out, almost posing.

“If neither of you  _ want  _ to, you both  _ have  _ to. Party rules. How about fireball?” She stood straight, before grabbing the bottle from the center of the island. 

Janis grimaced, as Regina grabbed three solo cups, pouring two shots’ worth of whiskey into each.

“Are we toasting?” Cady asked, as Regina stared her down.

“To what?” She said cooly, as if daring her to say something too sappy. Cady ignored her, but hesitated anyway with the sudden pressure to speak.

“To...College?”

Regina shrugged. “Fine, whatever. To college.” She glared at Janis and Cady, and lifted her cup when they did too. In a quick series of gulps, Cady and Janis coughed.

The blonde tried to coax them into another round, before she poured herself a real drink and flitted off into the party.

“Let’s mingle?” Cady whispered in her ear after they watched the blonde leave. Janis nodded, letting the redhead lead the way.

They met a few faces, mostly frat boys, before Cady was swooped up by Aaron in surprise, lifting her off her feet and spinning her around.

“Hey, you,” He mumbled, pecking her lips before giving a nudge to Janis.

“Hey! Didn't think to see you here. How's the art?”

At least Cady was good at picking them, Aaron was a genuine kind of guy, one who made a point to be friendly with his girlfriends’ friends. 

“Art is arting. All digital now.” Janis replied with a pleasant smile, taking another sip of her drink.

“Look at you, coming to the twenty first century,” He teased, giving Cady who was at his side a squeeze. “Might I borrow her for a minute?”

“Be my guest,” Janis replied, knowing he’d find a way to sneak Cady away anyway.

Then Janis was alone, in a room full of strangers. Well a few she knew, momentarily. Gretchen and Karen were across the room too, dancing, which wasn't Janis’ thing. Cady and Aaron made their way across the kitchen to the other living area, where a few jubilous shouts came as Aaron returned. 

Janis took a more liberal sip of her rum and coke. Maybe the whole ‘sorta-sexy’ thing was a mistake, now that was she wasn't next to Cady. Even if the leggings hugged her skin she felt a little exposed standing against the wall, watching the party happen around her for a long moment.

Deciding the wallflower thing wasn't going to work, she weaved her way through the bodies and met sides with Karen. She had a beer in hand, the other swinging to wrap around the artist’s shoulders.

“Janis!” The two cheered, giggling. 

“I’m glad you came, I know Cady is around here somewhere,” Gretchen greeted, before spinning on her heels to scan the faces around them.

“Cady is off with Aaron, thought I’d hang over here for a little.” Janis answered for her with a little smile. “How are you guys doing?”

“Goood. Real good.” Karen drew out in her ear. It was obvious they had been here for a bit, getting a head start at drinks.

“We’re checking out the guys, see who might be boyfriend material-- wanna join?” Gretchen offered, her smile growing before her brain caught up with her words. “I mean, you can look at girls too, there's lots of them here..”

Janis just smiled gently, knowing the girl was trying. She always was. “Sure, I’ll be your wing-girl. Anyone in particular?”

Karen hummed in her ear. “What about him?” She wasn't afraid to full on point, arm moving from Janis’ shoulders. 

“Cute hair, looks athletic, nice butt..” Gretchen listed, spotting the guy easily. He looked like your typical white guy athlete, with a dark v-neck and jeans. Janis didn't see the appeal, why would she? But she nodded anyways, as Karen moved from her side, almost tripping as she started towards him.

“I’m gonna get his number,” She hummed with a grin, too far away by the time they tried pulling her back.

“And you?” Gretchen then turned to Janis, eyeing her expectantly. 

“Well,” Janis stammered a little, suddenly being put on the spot. “Not here, I guess. There is a girl I met through Art club I like,” she gave, as the brunette grinned.

“Tell me, tell me!”

She knew how easy it was to get a secret from her, so she kept the info minimum. “She’s just cute, we share interests, too.”

“What does she look like?”

“Oh uh, really sweet looking eyes, about a billion cute little freckles--”

“Does she like--”   
Gretchen then gestured to her chest, as if she had much larger boobs then she did. Janis flushed red, realizing she expected a much more  _ her style _ rundown on looks. Taking another long sip of her drink, she looked back to Gretchen.

“I mean she’s..” Janis hesitated. She didn’t really look at her like that yet, too caught up in flirty conversations and brilliantly blue eyes. It felt..  _ wrong  _ talking about Emily like this. “Thin. Uh, average chest. Cute butt.” Honesty, she hasn't looked at her butt yet, at least not with the intentions of relaying that information later, but she threw it in for Gretchen.

“Well, I hope you get some,” She giggled, nudging Janis playfully. She just smiled along, a little uncomfortable.

Karen came back, smile on her cheeks.

“I got a number. And he touched my butt.” She said triumphantly, a giggle at her lips. Janis rose a brow as she smiled, not fully understanding how butt touches within the first minute of knowing someone wasn’t.. Weird, under some regard.  _ Oh well. _

“Ooh, you're empty,” Grechen said, glancing down Janis’ cup. She looked too, a quarter of the cup still there.

“No, it’s fine--”

“Let’s refill!” Gretchen cheered, looping her arm with Janis. Being tugged along, she let the brunette take her cup, and after telling her what she was drinking, she took the liberty of adding liquor to everyone's drink.

Jains took hers, taking a sip as it was handed back to her and _eck_ \-- there was more Jack than Coke in this mix.

Coughing a little, the music suddenly changed to the familiar beginning notes of  _ Never Going To Give you Up _ . Then someone loud, a football player maybe, could be seen through the archway between the kitchen and the first living room.

“Rick Rolled! Down your drink!”

“Really?” Janis questioned out loud, feeling a little tricked, since she just got a full glass.

The two beside Janis giggled, taking a good gulp of their new drinks.  _ This was going to be a mistake. _

“Janis!” Gretchen named, nudging her playfully.

“Oh no, I have classes in the morning--”

“Please?” They both chimed, squishing her in between as they both nudged her.

“Ah, fine,” Janis gave easily, wanting to be out of the limelight by taking the next large gulp with the two ex-plastics. She choked, coughing a little as Gretchen set a hand on her shoulder before taking the next large gulp.

A few more, and Janis cup was almost drained. And  _ boy _ , did she feel it. It seemed to go straight down, burning like heartburn before settling in her stomach sickly.

“How do you guys do that..” She questioned quietly, not knowing if they would hear over the music as it was changed back to Kanye.

“Now, let’s dance!” Karen suggested, pulling on Janis’ arm.

“No no, you two go ahead,” Janis said, and this time they agreed to go on without her.

Talk about peer-pressure and run.

She stood there, leaning into the counter for a few minutes, watching her friends shake and grind, others dancing and drinking around her. It was nice that Cady had tried to include her, but these sorts of parties were not really her thing, she rather be in their dorm, binging netflix with lots of snacks, and hell, lots of drinks with drinking games. At least in that instance she's be in her room already, so if she got wasted there was no walk home, there was no worries on missing her 10 o’clock.

She tried to glance around, see if there was anyone she found attractive, anyone she could gather the courage to talk to. There were mostly guys at the party though, and it seemed the girls hung off the guys like clothing, kissing or grinding and.. Obviously not gay, or just plain taken.

Her head was swimming. The alcohol was catching up to her, tonight being much more than a stolen bottle of schnapps from Damian's’ parent’s liquor cabinet, it was shot after shot of hard liquor and nothing to soak it up in her stomach, besides a packages of chips she had snacked on while doing homework earlier. This led to the moving people being hard to focus on, their gyrating bodies making the artist dizzy. Pinching her eyes closed, she steadied herself and sighed back the thoughts of just going back to the dorm, telling Cady she wasn’t feeling well.

After a moment of regret, her bladder was getting the better of her. She left her cup on the counter and walked off, not needing any more alcohol with her head feeling this fuzzy, her limbs tingling as she brushed against people to the stairs. The wood rail was cold against her skin, making her hands feel funny as she stepped from the stairs and sauntered down the dark, oddly empty hall.

Bedroom, bedroom, locked--  _ oh boy _ , bedroom, and bath. She stepped in, did her thing, and glanced in the mirror. She vaguely remembered the comedy special she watched with Cady a few nights ago, how one bit explained the first time you see a mirror when drinking,  is where everything falls apart. Janis felt okay though, looking at her reflection as she washed her hands. Her outfit was cute, suited her figure well. Her eyes didn't look too tired, lipstick still together. Hair was a little frazzled, but a few passes with her fingers and she still looked okay. Presentable. A look she could live with.

The next few moments happened in rapid succession, as she opened the door to a hand peeking in purposefully to flick the lights off, followed a indistinguishable figure coming into the pitch black bathroom with her.

“Wait wait, let me leave before you--”

What she hadn’t expected was to find the other lips on hers. It was a girl, she could tell instantly by the dainty hands rested on her exposed arms and the gentle waft of floral perfume, with a nip of something more fruity amongst the scent of liquor. 

It took about three seconds for Janis to catch the hint and kiss back.

The artists hands came to cup the girls cheeks, weaving her arms between them fluidly. Fingers inched across the others jaw, into her hairline as they made out in the darkness. Janis had half the mind to flick the lights on, but she was sure the other wanted the anonymity. Instead Janis flicked her thumbs across the others cheeks, fingers pressing into the warm flesh behind her curtain of hair. She sorta liked the anonymity too after a short moment, a shiver of excitement running up her spine.

Janis heart was kicking in her chest, the others hands finding purchase on her skin under her shirt, a thumb looping into her thick fishnets that rode just higher than her shorts. She was acting on instinct, teeth brushing on the other’s lips before the mystery girl dipped into Janis’ exposed neck, hair falling behind her as they made out. Janis let her hands drop, knuckles tracing the fabric of her shirt till she rested them at the crook of her sides, fingers gripping the other needily. A small noise passed Janis lips as the girl found a sweet spot at Janis’ collar.

What was happening? Was this going to be a hookup, or just a drunken make out session? Was Janis even  _ ready  _ for hooking up?  _ Did she want to?  _ Her head spun with questions, forgetting them as soon as they appeared.

The girl nipped that spot again, making Janis catch her breath.

Janis pulled the others hips to hers, hands running up her back, finding no purchase under her shirt, whatever she was wearing close to skin tight. Instead she found places just under her shoulder blades that fit her hands well, and then traded places with her as her lips moved from her neck. Janis was swamped with the smell of her perfume again as she pressed wet kisses to neck, tracing them down her collarbone and up, teeth grazing her jaw gently--

“Leave a mark and I’ll fucking kill you.”

It was like Janis was hit in the gut, a guttural gasp passing her lips as they stilled, pulling away from the girl. A frantic hand leaves her back as the artist feels for the light switch, revealing the last person she expected to see pressed against her.

“Regina?” She just about shouted, hands pulling from her like she was fire. In the action Regina had the decency to lean out of the embrace, as Janis was pinned to the sink and couldn't move away herself. “What the  _ absolute fuck _ ?”

Her mind cleared then, the alcohol's effects diminishing as her adrenaline spiked. This couldn't be happening. She had just made out with her long announced enemy, the warmth in the artists core stemming from  _ her  _ lips, the same ones who ruined her in the eighth grade. Janis suddenly felt regret, as the fear set in. This had to be a joke, although,  _ was it _ ? The ghost of Regina’s lips on her throat felt real, not forced to get Janis softened up for some gag.

“Shut up,” Regina hissed, hands dropping to her sides. She was less threatening with Janis’ lipstick smudged on her lips, the warm wine marks lining her neck where Janis just was. “Let me-- let me explain.”

A shy look crossed Regina’s features, which sent Janis reeling, head spinning with confusion, and liquor. She needed to look away, which she did by turning to the sink. She had lipstick marks up her neck too, the aftermath tattooed on her skin. She was still flushed in the cheeks, spying Regina behind her as Janis glanced at herself.

“You have till I wash my neck off,” Janis allows quietly, turning on the water and grabbing one of the hand towels stacked to the side.

Regina stepped next to her, flipping her hair to the clean side of her neck before she reached across Janis to do the same, fragrant hair in her face again.

“Firstly, I’m sorry.” Regina said quietly, wiping a wet towel to the spot at her collar, around the white loop of fabric at her neck that Janis thankfully missed with that dark lipstick of hers.

“For what you just did, or--”

“A little bit of everything, I suppose,” She continued cooly, though a sense of nervousness crept into her voice-- she hid it well. “You can guess why I did what I did in the eighth grade.”

“Humor me,” Janis uttered dryly, making her neck glow pink as she removed the lipstick recklessly.

Regina scowls, but she replies anyway. “I thought you were pretty. Like--  _ pretty pretty _ . I was confused and afraid, and it had gotten too much, I had to push it onto you.”

Janis stopped her hand, watching Regina in the mirror quietly. The other had her eyes drawn down, folding the cloth in her hands before she glanced up, fingers tracing her lips to wipe the lipstick away.

“You like girls now?” She questioned softly, before her mind could correct her.

“Don't be stupid Janis, I’ve always liked girls. “Regina snapped. “I just didn't know I did till you, and pretended I didn't till..”

“Now.”

They stood in silence for a moment, as they finished cleaning themselves up. Janis was bewildered, confusion and hurt on her features as she just removed her lipstick entirely, leaving her lips a bright pink from the itchy cloth.

“Why me?” Janis said after a moment, watching Regina carefully wipe the dark contrasting color from her face without any marks from the cloth. “We both hate each other. You could have just about any girl at the party to  _ experiment  _ on, you know that.”

“You started this, Janis,” Regina hummed, turning to her again-- she almost looked smug at Janis’ assessment before her eyes focused in on hers intensely. The sudden eye contact made the small bathroom shake to the artist. “I thought it was only fitting I start with you again.”

Janis was speechless for a moment as Regina set the cloth on the counter, stepping closer to Janis. 

“This wasn't an experiment, Just claiming what I’ve wanted for years.”For a moment , the idea that she could be saying that to convince herself came to Janis’ mind, a fleeting thought as the blonde brought her back to focus as she continued. “I thought maybe, after junior year, we could go back to how things were before Eighth. But you lacked interest, and it drove me crazy.”

It wasn't that Janis didn't have interest-- thought certainly  _ this  _ sort of interest was a new, piquing thought-- she was always aware of the blonde, watching for any sudden movement like a defensive animal, ready to bite back if need be. The careless words and brushing comments hardly called for an attack thus far. She would conceal her anxieties by hiding behind Cady, or sometimes the other two ex-plastics, letting herself be the quiet addition to the room. She was a little relieved it had worked so well.

Janis stayed quiet as the other backed her to the door, back pressing into the wood as Regina came in close-- like she was going to kiss her again. Janis’ chest lurched.

“I know you’d push me away if I did this any other way-- and by the way you kissed back, I now know you actually like it.”

Janis opens her mouth, stuttering for a moment. “You can't be serious, I-I didn't know who you were,  _ Regina _ , you can't base  _ shit  _ off that--”

“So if I say meet me in my dorm in ten for seconds, you wouldn’t come?”

Janis gaped for a moment at the oddly serious offer, which brought a classic smirk to Regina’s lips.

“We’ve been in here too long, I’m sure. Don't make me leave a party with free booze for nothing, m’kay?” She ended, stepping back from the artist to give her a final once over. Regina pulled on the door and Janis hopped away from her, letting her pass. She flicked her hair to her back and was out, letting the door ease to a crack behind her.

Janis was internally screaming. How she got tangled in this, how Regina flipped a switch and was suddenly hot for her, it was dizzying. She thought the realization was sobering but she teeters anyways, gripping the sink for a moment.

She fixes her shirt, realizing she had two options: find Cady and drag her from Aaron, and spill to her the last five minutes in detail, or seek Regina out and figure out what she was up to.

The latter involved kissing, she was sure of it.  _ Seconds _ , she said, in her dorm. Her face flushed. Her swimming brain was conflicted: on one hand, she hated Regina, didn’t she? Of course, it was hard to hate someone after that person got hit by a bus. Even Janis felt sympathy for the blonde, who returned to school promptly with a spinal halo. They had technically agreed to make amends, spoken by a apologetic glance to each other when Cady handed out the snapped pieces of the crown. They both shared a fleeting moment of clarity, holding the busted pieces of silver plastic as Cady monologued, bringing her two friend groups together.

Emotions glossed her eyes. Remembering the warming words from her friend brought forth reactions Damian would blame on the alcohol, this being the only time she really got this way.  _ There were exceptions. _

Clearing her head with a breath, she considered the other side of the coin. Regina had been trying, really. She told them that she was, admitted her actions were still just habits-- and often corrected herself. She stopped yelling at Gretchen. She spoke in slow words, working on positive inclinations than backwards compliments. Part of her therapy, she mentioned once, at a kickback at Karen’s. Did it stop her from calling out Janis’ fashion sense? Or that one backwards comment on her eyeshadow-- admittingly heavy handed, that day. Or what about the countless times she referred to her and Damian as ‘bonnie and clyde’ pointing at the two in a backwards fashion. What about the many times she thrown  _ ‘Dyke’  _ in her face? Anger boiled in her stomach at being reminded. Did a string of kisses and an explanation fix that? The old Janis would have gave a firm no, a distasteful finger, and spat her own set of insults in her face. Damian and Cady know she had many.

But the current Janis was drunk. The current Janis was also aching for peace since graduation, wanting her life to change for the better, wanting to grow and blossom to just be who she was meant to be.. Regina was now part of her life, pre or post-kiss, more so than ever with Cady being a friendly median.

A sharp knock came to the door, which made Janis yelp in surprise. A man's voice came, a slurry whine to use the bathroom. Janis glanced about, making sure her phone was still in her pocket before finally opening the door and skittering past the equally drunk student.

She took two stairs at a time, scanning the room for Cady as she made it to the living area. No dice-- and she only had who knows how long to grill Regina on all that happened while she was under the influence--  she was sure that was the reason why she was being so  _ open  _ with Janis.

So instead of finding her friend, she bee-lined for the door and began the short walk back to campus.

By the time she reached the dorms she was shivering, stepping up the stairs and gripping the railing as she made the trek. She kicked her boots off, holding them in one hand as she sauntered onto Regina’s floor. She didn't know what room, but had a wild guess it was the one with the glittery R.

“Just on time, how cute of you.” Cooed Regina down the hall, as Janis leaned on the wall beside her dorm. She watched her for a moment, as the strutted down the thin carpeted hall.

“So, what is this,” Janis asked promptly, keeping her voice low as Regina came closer.

“ I told you, seconds. Jeez, don't you listen?” She said, flicking the lights on to make sure the second bed was empty. “My roommate does this thing where she latches onto some guy and will be out till noon the next day, It’s kind of pathetic.” She changed the subject, turning back to Janis who stood in the doorway.

“Aren’t you mad at me still? For what Cady and I did Junior year?” Janis continued, not letting the other dance around her questions. She tried to ignore the cloud of sweet smelling perfume, the same Regina wore as she took a hesitant step in.

“I was, at first,” Regina said eyes turning angry as she pulled Janis in by her shirt, closing the door so their discussion remained private. “My pent up feelings are a little stronger. I did forgive Cady, you never seemed open to talking about it.”

“Neither did you.” Janis shot back, before setting her boots down at the foot of her bed so she didn't have to hold them. She refused to be backed into a corner again, standing solidly just off from the identical desk Regina hand to hers.

“Whatever.” Regina dismissed, before she stepped into Janis’ bubble again, blue eyes relaxing before she rose a hand to Janis’ cheek. Her head fluttered as if the touch rippled her thoughts like water. “You want this, don't you?”

“Want  _ what _ .” Janis returned sharply, in attempt to bring her brain back into focus. It was getting increasingly more difficult to just give into the touch-- It was nice, a desperate clutching in her chest affirming that as the blonde continued with a fluidly Janis could only dream of when under these circumstances.

“Me.” She leaned in then, pink lips pressing to the space at the corner of Janis mouth.

Janis closed her lips into a thin line, hesitant to move herself, either to separate them or touch her back. She couldn't deny the shiver down her spine, the quickly building  _ need  _ to have that kiss again, despite the warning signs.

Meanwhile Regina trailed her lips down Janis neck again, speckling her skin with soft wet touches the chilly air caught, making goosebumps rise on her skin. Without thinking her eyes had fluttered closed and she stretched her neck, giving the other a better angle for kissing it.

“With how much you squirm,” Regina's quiet voice came, her hot breath hitting her neck. The comment could have come off disparagingly, but it held a certain pleasure to the thought. Her lips hit her skin again, teeth grazing her throat, making a broken gasp pass Janis’s lips. “I can take that as a yes?”

“Fuck, Regina,” Janis mumbled, moving her neck away from the blonde. Who knew her neck was so sensitive? She briefly thought of the alcohol, wondering if it could cause her heightened sense of touch. Wasn’t it supposed to do the opposite?

Regina suppressed a laugh with a sigh, biting her own lip as she moved her hands down to pull at the artist’s hips again, directing her towards the bed.

“Whats ah-” Janis spoke up, giving in,  as the blonde kissed at her neck again. This time it was long pulls, kissing her skin with full lips. It was almost as if Regina knew the balling need in her stomach for the blondes lips on hers again, and purposefully continued at her warm neck. Her knees hit the edge of the bed, but she refused to buckle yet. “What's the end goal?”   
Regina paused at her neck, before pulling away. “Tonight?”

She gave a soft push, making Janis fall to the mattress, a hair away from hitting her head on the wall. She sat up quickly, eyeing the blonde from her baby pink sheets. “To give you a proper apology,” She said climbing on top of her. “And to see how far you’ll let me go.”


	3. chapter three. problem.

Janis was at a loss, as the blonde cupped her cheek, finding her lips again. She pushed the artist down to her back again, the bed plush. Her brain was dong slow circles, almost tipping into dizzy as Regina settled into Janis’ pelvis almost knowing how her movements created an effect. Her skin was on fire, lips burning to the touch as Regina led them, kisses growing in depth as the artist let her continue.

_Was she doing this? Really?_

Janis ran her hands up Regina’s sides, up her back to her shoulders where she let her nails rake at her shirt. Regina ran her tongue against the others lips, once, twice, and Janis gave with a desperate inhale, parting them to allow the intrusion. Regina tasted like beer and fireball, now that Janis equally explored her mouth wither her tongue. Her heart ricocheted in her chest as they made out, before the blondes hips came grinding down on Janis.

A soft hum vibrated their mouths, as Janis led her fingers down from Regina’s shoulders to the wide, round buttons at her front at the front. The round buttons slipped from their eyes, thin fingers brushing the satin of Regina’s bra. The shirt hung loosely, the other not missing a beat in slipping the material one arm at a time, barely breaking the kiss before returning again.

Hands were at her sides now, the crop top sliding up quickly from flipping where she was. Janis eased herself upwards, almost sitting up as she shimmied from the top in lose movements. She had to break the kiss, the inside out shirt finding the floor. Regina's hands returned to her, just tracing the edge of the lace bralette Janis sported. Dark in color, it was a definite contrast from the artist’s pale skin.

Her heart raced, Regina leaning in for her lips again, pushing Janis to her back. No one had seen her like this, shy Cady and occasionally Damian, who she trusted to change in front of if the need arises. But then, their eyes weren’t on her, there were no hands roaming her skin, raising goosebumps in their wake. They continued for only a moment, before Regina pulled away, sitting up.

Janis’s eyes fluttered open, hands falling from the blondes back to the soft crevices on her sides. She watched her for a moment, unable to peel her eyes from the soft curves of fair skin illuminated by the crappy dorm light behind her.

“Wait,” She panted, climbing of Janis. Instantly she missed the warmth, the touch,  turning to her side propped on her elbow as she watched Regina turn the lights out again.

“What, you don't want to see me while we..” Janis trailed off snarkily into the darkness, before light covered them again. Regina was at her bedside table, clicking on the light. Her side of the room, the bed mostly, was washed in a gentle pale pink that seemed to add a layer of intimacy in its wake. Janis never thought she’d enjoy pink like she did then, the color only making their skin glow gorgeously.

“Shut up. If this is my first, might as well make it romantic.” It was almost a defensive grumble. Regina eyed her too, watching as the artist blushed. The blonde then set a knee into the mattress, as if hesitating to crawl back to where she was before. “What?” She continued, staring Janis down.

“It’s a first for me too.” Janis said softly, sitting up to be at a more equal level with the other. She still wasn't sure what Regina was wanting out of this, how far she planned to go-- Janis didn't know either, the wisps of a clear mind telling her to cut this off and leave, while the rest of her was tingling with attraction, warm with the drunken need to have Regina against her again.

“Come here,” Janis requested, free hand that wasn't supporting herself reaching for Regina’s cheek. To the artist’s surprise Regina complied silently, leaning forward and meeting her lips with hers again. The artist kissed her gently, fingers finding her scalp as she led them to lay down again, their legs intertwining. The stayed like that, making out yet again as hands roamed, clothes were tugged at, their kisses trailing farther than their necks, down the goosebump prickled skin. Things got blurry after that, a long stint of contorting bodies and breathless noises, before a vicious head rush that made their hearts thump in excited unison. Soon their alcohol laden bodies had enough, and the collapsed upon one and another, rapidly descending into unconsciousness.

 

* * *

 

One of the first things Janis noticed when she woke up was her thumping headache, making her knot her brows and pinch her eyes closed. A moment of pain and she realized that she was hungover-- something she didn’t plan to be the night before.

The next things came drifting up to the front of her mind in rapid succession. She was completely naked, and there was a warm body beside her, curled to her side, leg over hers comfortably. Her heart thumped in adrenaline just as much as it did in attraction. She seemed to be a soft skinned cloud of sweet smelling perfume, who also seemed to be awake, kissing gingerly at her shoulder, before adjusting and and going straight for Janis ear lobe only to give it a sharp nip.

“Ah-” Janis voiced in surprise and pain, pulled from the drowsy dizziness  from waking up in such a manner. She clasped a hand over her mouth, eyes now open as she scanned the room. Things were overwhelmingly.. pink.

Oh. _Oh_.

“Good, you’re awake. You need to go.” The blonde demanded in a dry tone, turning to her back before sitting up.

Janis couldn't help but cover her chest as the blanket was pulled from her, confusion knotting her features.

“What exactly.. happened?” Janis asked gruffly, her head disliking the idea of getting up and glancing about the room for her shirt, yet she did it anyway, leaning behind Regina to peer to the floor where her clothes were piled.

She quickly slipped on her Rush shirt, while Regina’s back was still turned to her.

“You know what happened, Janis, don't be stupid.”

Janis rolled her eyes, before closing them. “Relax, I’m hungover.”

“Hmph.”

Janis then took the chance to crawl from bed, slipping on her underwear as Regina pulled at her clothes, too. Her room was chilly, making her shiver.

“We’re not going to.. To talk about that?”

“Say a word to anyone,” Regina quickly took her eyes, making Janis pause in her action of shimmying her shorts on. “And I will end you-- in more ways than one.”

Janis’ lips fell into a thin line. “You don't need to be so.. Vicious. Last night didn’t faze you? I mean--”

“You have thirty seconds to stop talking and get your _dyke-ass_ out of here, or there will be consequences.” Regina snapped, giving Janis dark eyes before pulling her skin tight jeans on too.

“Regina,” Janis chatized, eyes crinkling as hurt crossed her features. Her voice rang with a growing anger. “You’re still throwing stupid _fucking_ insults at me? After-- after--”

“Out, out. “Regina cut her off, grabbing her arm to start to push her to the door. Janis snached her boots, her tights balled on top as she met the door. “Not a word to anyone, even Cady or drama boy.”

“Wait--”

With a final push, she was out of the door, standing with her boots to her chest and a door slammed in her face. It was early morning, if anyone was awake and outside their dorm, they were hidden around the corner in the communal kitchen each floor had. Janis stared at Regina’s door for a long moment before stepping away, not wanting to linger too long in case someone saw her. Padding barefoot to the staircase, going blind as she snapped her eyes shut with the sun now in her face, windows positioned on the outer wall of the staircases in a way that bathed the hallways of each floor in a pretty light, but currently Janis hated it with a passion.

When she made it to her dorm, fumbling for the key thankfully still in her pocket, she was met with worried eyes.

“Hey, Caty.” Janis mumbled, her voice breaking a little as she expected the redhead to be asleep still. The artist vaguely remembered that she had an 8am.

Her best friend took one good glance at Janis appearance, the circumstances of leaving the party and not showing up till the next morning, shoe-less with tights balled in her hand. The red head grinned.

“You got laid last night,” Cady commented, stepping from her closet to her desk chair. Janis momentarily resented the fact she left learning these things to the plastics.

Regardless she flushed, but ignored her, dumping her boots by her desk. She was cold, wanting to crawl back in bed and sleep off this hangover, but she had classes in a few hours and knew she wouldn't be waking back up if she did.

“Walk of shame and everything,” Janis deadpanned, going to her closet to pull out warmer clothes.

“With who?” Cady asked with a giggle, crossing her arms as she watched her.

Janis hesitated. She could disregard Regina’s threat and tell her, and sure Cady could keep a secret, but guilt already bubbled in her stomach at the mere thought. It wasn’t her place to out Regina like that, the blonde obviously not comfortable with anyone knowing  if she was so adamant about Janis keeping quiet.

“I can't say,” Janis replied,  before pulling a plain grey sweater over her head, curling her body into the cozy fabric. She didn’t like how she reveled in being completely covered, after waking up how she did.

“Aw,” Cady groaned playfully.

“She’s.. she's not out yet, okay? It’s not my place to do that to her.”

Cady nodded, sighing softly as Janis traded her shorts for longer pants, a dark pair of jeans. She would shower, but she didn’t want to leave the dorm so soon, with the possibility of seeing Regina again higher than she liked.

What was her problem? Taking advantage of her while she was drunk, apologizing when she least expected it, spending the night with her only to shove her from her dorm, still calling her a dyke? Regina was no saint, but since they met at the club fair she had been.. Pleasant. Or at least, she was had been making actual attempts to be nice. Now that all that pent up emotions were released, was she back to how she was before?

Janis was confused, in more ways than one. Not only did she enjoy that.. Whatever you could categorize that as. _Sex? It definitely was sex._ But with Regina of all people.. How could she have allowed that? Was she that intoxicated last night that she let Regina rope her in like that?

“So, how was it?” Cady asked after a quiet moment between the two, pulling Janis out of her thoughts.

Dizzy memories danced in Janis’ head. _Regina, head dipped down between the artists bare legs, making her arch her back. “You said it's your first-- ah-- first time,  how are you good at-at this?” Her voice quivered._

_“It’s called porn, Janis.” The blonde deadpanned, pulling from Janis’ sex before dipping back tongue first._

Janis steadied her reeling head by grabbing the footrest of the bed and desk, cheeks flaring up as she glanced back to Cady.

“It was good,” Janis admitted quietly, cheeks almost red at the memory.

Cady erupted in giggles, before standing and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “See? Told you that party would be fun,” Cady replied playfully. That wasn't the word Janis would use, but she gave her friend a sheepish smile anyways.

“I have an hour before class, want to head down to the SAC for breakfast?”

Janis gave a nod, hoping the Student Activity Center, or more specifically the cafe inside, would be plastic-free. It was a good walk across campus, which had Janis believing the distance alone was enough to separate herself from Regina.

The morning goes by fine, Not a hair seen from Regina. Cady must have seen Damian between then and lunch, because when she arrives at lunch with Cady and Damian, he’s demanding details.

“Do you really want to know about girl on girl sex?” Janis raises a brow, knowing it would shut him up. It does, his face scrunching with disgust.

“Not those details, honey. I just have to know who, what, where,” He replies, still pushing the artist to talk.

“I can't say who, I already told both of you. _What_ , is likely a one night stand. _Where_ , was the dorms.” She answered with a sigh, giving answers without any real information. The two groan, hoping to get more from her.

Janis doesn't give, offering apologetic looks as she shot down questions. She needed some space, some peace and quiet now that she was clear headed-- no alcohol, no hangover, either. When they finish and Cady runs off to the dorm, Damian off to his next class, Janis stays behind. She knows where she could get some peace and quiet.

The art room the club used was open the majority of the day, the sensored lights flickering on as Janis stepped inside. There were aisles set up, stacks of canvases of varying sizes off to one wall. Some still held works from three days ago, Friday, where they finished up pieces from Thursday and chatted over crappy coffee and cookies. Her chest grew with a different kind of attraction, her passions. She could smell the paint in the air, the faint smell of clay from sculpture classes (held in the same room on Saturdays). She walked across the room, helping herself to a small, square canvas and set up in a free corner, putting together a palate of basic colors from the massive bottles at the long counter, stretching one side of the room. She rooted for a few specific brushes, finding plenty of spares in the drawers. Sitting at the stool, she took a long breath, meditating on what she was going to paint.

Her head kept circling back to Regina, and the foggy memories of the night before. Besides the Regina part, she couldn't believe she let herself loose her virginity in a drunken one night stand. The whole situation was strange, leaving Janis just.. At a loss.

She started with dark blues, making light strokes around the edges. They traveled inward, the round shapes changing in hue as it reached the center of the painting. She didn't realise what she was doing, she’d have to let it dry before doing anything else. Good thing she works with light strokes, the canvas already drying in some places.

She set down the palate as she stood, grabbing her bag to dig through it for a moment. She found what she wanted quickly, the holographic vape shiny even under the bad classroom lighting. Might as well relax a little, scroll through something on her phone while it finished drying.

She turned it on and took a long puff, enjoying the soft bite of nicotine. She never claimed it was good for her to vape, but it was far better than a cigarette, something Janis never intended to mess with. The colorful metallic was all she needed, the taste of strawberry and nicotine. Damian was on the fence about seeing his best friend develop the habit, but had keeled since she had started in high school. Janis made Cady swear she’d never, which she agreed to.

A static cloud hovered around her head when the door opened, making the artist jump out of her skin, vape pushed back to her bag that sat on the chair. Her heart raced at being found with something that was technically not allowed on campus.

A familiar fuzzy halo was in the doorway, features coming into focus as she closed the door, the contrast in lighting diminishing as she walked into the fluorescent light. _Emily_.

“You’re gonna give me a fucking heart attack,” Janis breathed, watching the other girl smile softly before unloading her things beside a painting a few tables over, half-done.

“You’ll give yourself a heart attack, smoking on campus.” Emily chastised with a smile. She seemed to hesitate, setting her bag on the table nearby as she studied Janis for a moment. “Nicotine, not weed right? Mind if I..”

“No no, yeah, just nicotine. Go ahead.” Janis stumbled, walking over to her, vape first. The brunette took it and took a decent hit, face contorting slightly before she exhaled.

Janis rose a brow at her. “I wouldn't have thought of you as a smoker, Emily.”

“I’m not.” She defended, handing back the vape before she wiping her hands on her jacket, shedding it afterward. “Its.. socially. Usually only when at the discussion meetings.”

“I don't think we’ve smoked so far at the meetings,” Janis pointed out with a smile, watching the other distract herself with setting up her own brushes, a small fabric case of paints, too.

“Jason hasn't been here, he usually brings the lot.” Emily explained, eyes finding Janis again as she hovered by the table next to her.

“Well, take a hit off mine whenever you need some, I know how withdraw can be.” Janis offered, before walking back to her painting, now dry.

They were distracted by their paintings then, Janis stealing glances at Emily from where she stood. Her back was to her, the painting in full view. It was a dramatic sunset, bold colors bouncing off everything in frame. The drinks hut with all the bottles with their own reflection,  the umbrellas and dotted figures in the background, even the two fingers in the centerfold, sitting and watching it set.

Meanwhile. Janis barely noticed the subtle pinks she was adding to the piece, the familiar rectangle of a bed appeared, bathed in a bubblegum pink. A silky fabric appeared at the bed, the crumbled curves soaking up the pink hues of light.  Two pillows, distorted piles in the shadows, a grey shirt laid on the bed. The shirt she wore last night.

_Shit._

“Nice lighting,” Emily spoke up quietly, as she had crept up soundlessly before peering over her shoulder. “Oh-- sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. You’re good.”

“No, it’s fine.” It wasn’t fine, but she hoped the idea of her painting a loose aerial view of the last night, only rose suspicion on _her_ mind in not Emily’s. At least it was without the two girls, she was still working on anatomy. Thankfully, it wasn't as obvious as Janis thought.

“Does it have any story?” Emily chimed softly, glancing from it to Janis.

Her heartbeat is loud in her ears. “What?”

“The painting. It looks like one of the dorm beds. Yours?”

Janis had yet to come up with a better lie, so she gave the truth.

“No. Uh, someone else's.”

Emily looked towards the pink hues for a long moment, eyes drifting from the partially painted shirt laying at the foot of the bed, the worn circles for boots that blended into the shadows.

“I see.” She said suddenly, before taking Janis’ arm to pull her across the room. She let go half way, Janis following like a shadow.

They were in front of Emily’s painting, the bright oranges and pinks of the sunset almost glowing with the black-grey shadows. The details were a little crazy, how when you have such a contrast in lighting you could get away with more simple shapes. She had drawn out each straw if the canopy to the bar, given each a color, a pink or orange or black or somewhere in between, the bottles lines all had small lips for tops, the light bending around that minuscule curve.

The last thing Janis noted was that the two figures, sitting and watching the sunset together, were both female. One with a top bun, the other with long hair hitting the sand.

“Before I started college here, I took a year to study abroad. I was sent to Hawaii, where I met her, Makani.”

Janis looked to Emily, who was lost in thought as she looked to her painting. Janis heart leapt, so she was into girls-- but currently still pining over a lost love. She decided not to open that can of worms just yet, not only did Janis have her own problems involving another girl, but she didn't need to stir the pot any more than it already was.

“We met in the art program out there, I was doing a study on landscapes. She worked at the special events and festivals, anything from dancing to serving traditional dishes, then studied in her spare time. I was reference painting a sunset like this when I met her.”

“You liked her?” Janis asked quietly. Emily was suddenly there beside her again, glancing at Janis with warm eyes.

“She was gorgeous, warm skin and piercing eyes, she'd give the sweetest sounding compliments in her native tongue, nicknames, whenever she found the excuse to watch me flush.” She laughed a little then, shaking her head. “This might be a little TMI, I sound like a lovesick puppy.” She scrunched her shoulders before relaxing, her voice softening. “It’s been just over a year since I came home, and I can't help but to miss her.”

“That's.. Sweet.” Janis smiled, a little bummed her feelings that were materializing would have to wait, but happy for her, that she had found someone that made her happy when far from home. It sounded a little fantastical, meeting an island beauty when away like that.

“And who's your painting for?”

Janis hesitated, realizing she was going to have to stuck with this mysterious lover trope. “It’s not my place to say, she hasn't come out yet.”

“You can't give me at least a little hint?” Emily bit her lip, meeting Janis eyes as she grinned past the bite.  Janis softened a little at the look, weak in the knees as she normally was around Emily, especially when she was playful like this.

“She’s.. an old classmate of mine. I didn’t know she was into girls too till.. Till last night. It’s a little overwhelming, honestly.” Janis confessed, eyes looking away coyly.

Emily laughed cutely again, reaching out to set a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, if you wanna talk my dorm is open. I mean, I wish I had someone I felt comfortable talking about all this stuff to. I don't know how you feel but.. I’m here. I know how it all feels, more or less.”

They met eyes for a moment, a silence falling between them. There was a gentleness in Emily’s eyes, but a hope. Maybe _she_ needed a fellow lesbian to talk to. And honestly, though she had Cady and Damian, Emily didn't know her history, didn’t know Regina and what had conspired between them. Maybe it _would_ be nice to talk sometime.

“Maybe I'll take you up on that,” Janis agreed softly, sharing a hopeful look with the other.

 

* * *

 

When Janis returned to the dorm, she had her painting in hand. In case Cady was there and had seen Regina’s room, she flipped the image so when she walked in, so it'd be facing away from her. She had a little cache of paintings taking up room in her closet, so she was able to hide it away easily.

“Hey,” Janis greeted back, shutting the wood panel door before sitting at her desk chair. She had homework to do, after the confusion of last night and the long session in the art room. Emily and her had chatted for a while between stints of painting, sometimes about art itself and sometimes, about their shared sexuality. Emily was technically bi, though she had never been with a guy. Janis was quick to tell her not to discourage what she feels, that who she had or hadn’t been with doesn’t change what she labels herself as.

Maybe she should be in Heard Voices.

She had came from that session with a newfound friend, no longer just a friendly crush in the club. She still sees Emily’s dopey smile as she says goodbye, dipping into a room just a few doors down from Janis and Cady’s.

“Painting, huh?” Cady yawns, stretching as she shows the artist her canines.

“A little something to wind down with, nothing crazy.” Janis replies, before slouching in her desk chair. She wasn't organized really, but there was order among the chaos. For example, there was a _to-do_ pile and a _done_ pile, the done pile in a Target file holder at the edge of the desk against the wall. The to-do stack was much bigger, next to it. A lot of it was little stuff, honestly, things she know she could bust out if she actually sat down to finish. She starts with taking a long sip of her water, the thermos still clacking with ice since mid-day when she was able to stop in for a breather and a shower.

“Question,” Cady states, sitting up from the bed where she sat with her laptop. “Is Emily this mystery girl?”

Janis chokes, leaning forward and away from her desk so she doesn't accidentally spit water on her desk or herself.

“No,” She says solidly, composing herself. She wipes her lip. “Emily is a.. friend, so far.”

Cady grins something mischievous, slipping off her bed to lean on Janis’ desk.

“Are you sure? Because, I’d say I know you pretty well. You don't just spray water all over the carpet for any girl.”

“I like her, alright? It’s..”

Images of Regina came out her mind, hands gripping her skin as Janis’ long fingers dipped into her repeatedly.

“Different. Emily is the sweet kind of crush. This mystery girl is just _not that_. Far from it.”

“Who is it then?”

Janis rolls her eyes, turning in her chair to set the cup down back where it was.

“No, come on, one hint.”

“Cady,” Janis spoke, eyes returning to the red head. She stopped, meeting Janis eyes. It was one of the few times Janis didn't use her nickname.

“Okay okay, serious pants. I’ll stop pushing.”

As she sat up, stepping back to her bed, Janis broke into a smile.

“Thank you, love you.”

Cady laughed a little, flopping back on her bed.

“Love you too, Jan.”


	4. chapter four. progress.

It was three days before she really saw Regina again. Of course there was in passing,  a glance down the hall to seeing the ex-plastics catch up to go to class, meeting the blonde down the way before continuing. Regina didn't look at her, and when she did it was no different than normal, a little bitchy, yet a layer of politeness in favor of Cady.

And yes, it bothered Janis.

She had her distractions between school and friends, but her mind seemed to rotate back to what happened between them on the daily. She’d lay down for bed and it’ll replay, the kissing and groping, Regina’s thin hands up her shirt and clawing at her skin. She had red lines at her sides the day after, vibrant marks against her pale skin. Cady had asked, Janis had blushed and brushed her off. She was getting used to doing that a lot lately.

What Regina did left more than just physical marks, she’d stretch her arms above her head and suddenly the blondes lips are there again at her navel, tickling the fuzz there. Her nails clawed her skin slightly, peeling the shorts and tights from her body. They were both too drunk to think twice as the desire built.

Now, the artist just wondered what _she_ thought. Was it a drunken mistake or did Regina really feel how she said she felt? It was eating at Janis, not because she had _feelings_ for the blonde, but because it was _her_ , it was Regina for _fucks_ sake, the person she hated till very recently. She was a long way from forgiveness but especially with recent events she don't know if she should let the remnants of anger go or let them simmer, build again into hating her for fucking with her in an entirely new way.

It wasn’t till it was late Wednesday night, most girls turned in for bed or were out at night classes. Janis was a bit of a night owl, doing her best work under the cover of moonlight. She had finally gotten a hang of the digital tablet, she was able to replicate things with a considerable lack of struggle like before. She had rejoiced, almost woken up Cady who had passed out early, and decided to reward herself with a hot shower and bed.

The girls dorm showers consisted of three strips of ten stalls that were just big enough for one person to do a comfortable circle. Tall walls separated each stall, a frosted glass making a door for each little shower. The artist had it down to a science, finding herself at the farthest stall from the door. Her small, clear bag of shower things sat just inside the glass door, her towel on the hook just on the outside beside her. She stepped in, undressed, plopped her clothes in a fabric bag hanging with her towel and got to business. This is why she rather do her showering either very early or very late at night, less people to worry about either seeing her or stealing her stuff.

“Mind if I join?”

Janis just about slipped on the glossy tile below her, as she jumped at her position at the side of the small stall letting the water get hot. She instinctively covered herself and looked towards the door where a familiar figure stood past the glass.

“Fuck off,” Janis replied, hand shooting out to make sure the little lock was clicked to the side.

“Boo, you’re no fun.” Regina replied, a hand coming to the glass as if going to pull on the door handle too.

“Last time you spoke to me you called me a dyke and kicked me out of your dorm.” Janis spoke bitterly, the hot water hitting her bare legs.

“What, gonna punish me?” Regina chimed, in a voice all too familiar. It was softened, a little innocent sounding. She was trying to sound sexy.

And well, it had worked a few nights ago.

“What kind of shit are you into?” Janis questioned impolitely, hair sticking to her neck from the foggy hot air. She finally moved her hand to turn the knob straight, maintaining water temperature.

“Want to find out?”

A annoyed groan came from Janis. Deciding Regina wasn’t going to just leave her be, she let herself dip under the water, muscles stiffening under the sudden scalding water. They loosened though, as her body temperature rose to meet the strong stream. She’d feel at peace if there wasn't a _ex-something_ outside the door. At least Regina wasn't just staring at her, she seemed to be looking from the handle to the entrance around the corner. Blinking back water in her face, she noticed the blonde looked to the wall between stalls for a long moment.

“If you won't let me in I’ll have to confiscate your clothes,” Regina threatened, though there was no malice in her tone, something Janis knew well.

“You wouldn’t _dare_ ,” Janis bit back, hands still at her hair, ringing the hot water through her dark bob.

“Want to try me?” Her figure then had her arms out, as if rifling through the cloth bag. “Oh, _Goo Goo Dolls_. Might this be a prized possession from the past?”

“Regina,” Janis warned, almost wanting to hold up a finger threateningly though Regina couldn't see any more than Janis could.

A dark color covered Regina’s pink torso, the ancient band tee Janis planned to wear to bed now spread on the blonde’s chest to see the fit. It was from when she was younger, likely just after the Eighth grade situation. A good, comfy thrift store buy.

“A little small, maybe I can cut it to a crop top--”

“No! No, fucking Christ,” Janis detested, before clicking the door open. She could just _feel_ the pleased look on her face before she tucked the shirt into the bag again and unraveled her waist, like she was just wearing a robe. The fabric fell to the dry linoleum on the outside, her fair skinned figure then clicking the door open and stepping inside.

Janis crossed her arms over her chest, unable to do much else to cover herself. As Regina gave her a long once over, Janis’ face went red, but so was her body from the hot water, a glowy pink spread across her skin. Regina seemed less worried about Janis staring-- not that Janis let her eyes wander, as she suddenly found the shower head extremely fascinating.

“What do you want, Regina.” She said, backing into the chilly tile, the walls that surrounded them.

“Don't be shy, Janis. Neither of us were _that_ drunk.”

“Yeah, and I’m completely sober now, so I have no interest in _this_.” Janis found the others eyes, anger passing her brown hues. Regina rolled hers, stepping forward only to recoil.

“Fuck, Janis. Trying to cook yourself in here?”

“Aw, too hot? Find your own shower then.” Janis spat indignantly, leaning off the wall momentarily as if pointing out the fact that she was unwelcome in her stall.

“Aggressive,” Regina commented in tedium, a hand moving the dial to ease the water to a less scalding temperature. Thankfully, it wasn’t such a difference that it felt cold to Janis, the water still hitting her legs passively.

“Again, what do you want.”

Regina sighed, testing the water before stepping into the stream herself. Janis wanted to inch her way out, but had a feeling the blonde would only follow her. She finally found her eyes permanently on her, watching as Regina tilted her head back, her blonde curls darkening under the water. It clumped together in thick tendrils, the curl gone with the weight of the water. She pushed the hair from her face and let it slick back, before wiping the water from her face. Was she wearing no makeup? She looked almost flawless, her skin still even and smooth.

When her eyes returned to her, the ex-plastic’ pierced the artist with blue eyes.

“You’ve been staring at me a lot, around campus.”

“You drunkenly apologized to cover your ass then seduced me into your bedroom, and you don’t want to solve _that_ fucking mystery of a situation. So forgive me if I was waiting for you to give me a fucking explanation.”

“If I seduced you, that means you had to have wanted it, so don't get so offended. And does it _have_ to be solved? What if I just want it to be fun..” Regina stepped forward, her warm body radiating onto Janis’.

“Sexy..”

She dipped into her then, lips ghosting over Janis’ for a quick moment. That was her chance, her way out by turning her head or recoiling in anyway. She didn't, which prompted Regina to capture her lips with her own.

Regina had each arm on both sides of Janis’ head, bracing herself as she kissed the artist while dually keeping her trapped. Janis made no movement, didn't move her arms from her chest, and barely kissed back. When Regina pulled away and Janis opened her eyes, She looked mildly distraught. Janis reveled in it, for a brief moment.

“And no strings attached.” She continued, as if the artist hadn’t refused to reciprocate.

“That’s not how these things work,” Janis claimed, voice subdued now that they were close.

“What, you rather date me?”

“God no.” Janis was quick to answer.

“Then what's the problem, Sarkisian? We both get a little something we want, with none of that messy stuff getting in the way.” Regina said then, exasperated as she leaned away with a hand on her bare hip.

“I'm not your fucking _booty call_.” Janis rose her chin, her tongue sharp.

“Well duh, _I_ have the cuter butt.”

“Bitch,” Janis furrowed her brows, the insult popping from her lips without thought. She wasn’t even hurt by the comment, but the blonde was still acting like one. Not like Regina would take it as a insult though, she heard it just as much as her name.

“What are you going to do about it?” Regina on the other hand rose a brow expectantly.

She was toying with her, purposefully provoking her as if poking the bear would get her sex. Janis wanted to stand still, hit her with a look that could kill, and not give her the satisfaction of a win. But that damn expression, that dare to shut her up. She felt the need to do just that climb up her spine at the thought.

Janis leaned forward and moved her arms, hands finding Regina's cheeks as they changed places, the blonde’s back against the other side if cold tile while Janis stood in the hot stream of water, body pressed to hers as the kiss quickly deepened.

“Ha, took you long enough.” Regina grinned into her lips, arms raising to wrap around Janis’ neck.

“ _Shut up, Regina_.”

 

* * *

 

 

After Regina had left Janis with her legs like jelly, the usually graceful blonde stumbling out of the shower too before she was left alone. It was as if Regina had never encroached on her space, the shower almost feeling vacant. The water was thinning out, turning colder the longer she stood under it, struggling to grasp around what she had just let happen.

No, what she just initiated. _Technically_ . Let's just say she wanted to put Regina in her place-- hence, the stumble to prove the artist had the same kind of effect on her as she did on Janis. _Hah_. Part of her liked the subtle control over her, the ability to make the normally composed girl quiver. The other half just.. wanted to finish her shower and get back to the comfort of her bed.

So she did, scrubbing and shaving quickly, washing her hair and such in the span of five minutes before she dried off and walked herself to her dorm. Cady was still passed out, spread like a starfish above her comforter. Voice a little hoarse, she woke her.

“Hey, Caty."

“Mhmmn?” She mumbled, lifting her head from the wet spot on her comforter. Janis smiled a little.

“Get under your blanket, or you’ll freeze.’

Cady hummed a thank you, waking up enough to pull off her jeans and properly crawl into bed. Janis did the same,  bunching her wet hair in a small bun before crawling under her covers. Regina’s phantom touch still raked her skin, the faint hint of perfume on her shirt as she eased into a exhausted sleep.

The next morning, things went as normal. Janis didn't say anything about the midnight fling she had with Regina, not alluding to it in any way, really. Cady looked tired, getting dressed quickly before leaving for her 8 am. The artist meandered to the common room and made coffee in the Keurig, then retreated to the dorm again for homework. She was proud of herself, being so well on top of it like she was. High school wasn’t like this, she didn’t micromanage her work or anything. She got good grades, mostly to make the college process a little easier. Other than that, she fluttered class to class, only hardcore focusing in onto Art.

Thursdays Janis only had two classes in the afternoon, her art anatomy class and english. So she was able to get properly dressed at her own leisure, taking time on her hair (a good brush through, a _shoosh_ of her naturally forming waves, and a spritz of hair spray to keep everything in place, it was really worth the minute and a half it takes) and meet the group for lunch. It was the only day where they all were free besides weekends,  no overlapping classes or just a failure to show up.

Across the SAC, was Regina. She sat in her bombastic world, surrounded by a separate group of girls who Janis knew as the lacrosse team. Told by Gretchen, she had left the team in high school but still wanted to keep up with the few she made friends with.

She didn't even glance over to her, or acknowledge that part of her friend group was only a few tables over. It was a little concerning how personal Janis felt about it. She knew what the blonde wanted out of what they did, but for some reason Janis felt as if the blonde’s lack of wanting more was a personal ‘I still hate you’ from the ex-plastic. She really, _really_ couldn't go on like this, the best thing for her being to cut this off when it was still early. Janis just had to figure out how to do that before Regina needs another fix.

Before they _both_ needed another fix.

“Janis honey,  I thought you left staring at Regina in Junior year,” Damian chimed, nudging her to bring her attention to the table again. “You look like a hurt puppy. It’s _weird_.”

Eyes flitting at the small group of faces, She realizes she can't brush off this one. Why not give a little truth to cover the lie?

“Regina apologized.” Janis replied quietly, earning wide eyes from her two best friends beside her and the two ex-plastics. For once, they were all on the same page.

“Oh my god, when?” Gretchen squeaked, leaning towards her as if that'd help in soaking up this new information.

“At the party, Saturday. She probably was drunk.”

“Was it like a genuine thing or..” Cady asked, concern furrowing her brows. Sure, this was something the red head had been hoping for since Spring Fling, but she could tell Janis was a little distraught. _Is this why she’s been acting so strange?_

“She seemed so, but I don’t know if it was real or just the alcohol. She’s been ignoring me since, so I’m.. skeptical.”

“She hasn't said anything about you..” Gretchen confirmed, the gears in her head visibly turning as she racked her brain for instances.

“I don't think she would have.” Janis said bitterly, eyes piercing the to the carne asada fries in front of her.

“Hey, isn’t this what you wanted?” Damian chimed, drawing her eyes back up to him. “Regina, _bad bitch ex-plastic_ apologized, drunk or not. That's a step, girl.”

“To where?” Janis questioned, frustration growing in her voice. “I never wanted to be friends with her again, I never wanted to go back to before Eighth. I till recently, wanted her to _pay_.”

“Janis,” Cady chastised softly, eyes looking worried. “What happened to changing?”

“ _I_ wanted to change. She doesn't have to. She still sneers at me, even when I tried being nice in senior year. She’s barely changed on that front, Caty.”

The group fell in a stagnant quietness, as Janis angrily picked at her fries.

“What if it's hard for her, too?”

The group all looked up, watching Karen glance between them and Janis. She was smiling softly in compilation, her tone serving the fact she didn't know the depth Regina hit with Janis.

‘Like, there were _soo_ many times she’s talk about you when she got drunk. I think she felt bad, you know? Like, she’s been wanting to say something for years. It _is_ a big step, right?”

Or, maybe she did.

The group nodded along, as Janis sat there, a little dumbfounded at Karen’s words. So, alcohol was the key. It was the way to get her to open up, to peel away the layers of bitch and say how she really feels without the snark and insults. Janis briefly wondered if the two ex-plastics knew of her sexuality, if she opened up when drunk.

Her heart thumped a little out of rhythm at the the idea that Regina meant what she initially said. She had blown off the apology, assuming it was a veil to soften Janis up. She didn't seem very sincere, besides the drop in facade. The bitchy, stuck up attitude had melted away though as their interactions heated up, Janis realized. She was genuine when she allowed herself to be vulnerable.

It had been years since Regina let herself be vulnerable then, the hard plastic shell she created was a barrier as she went through the years. She would have had to develop thick skin with a secret like hers.

“I can talk to her, if you want. See how she’s doing,” Cady offered.

“Sure..” Janis said quietly, eyes falling back to her food. Not because of anger, not because of frustration. But because there was a tug at her heart that she wasn’t sure if she wanted there. Sympathy flashed through her veins, made the feeling grow.

Conversation picked back up after that, Gretchen always having something to say. Focus was moved off Janis again, although this time she tried to participate. Besides the food, she needed something to keep her from staring back to Regina.

When everyone went their separate ways, The last half of the day droned. It sucked too, since she itched to talk to Regina and wouldn’t get a chance till after the club meeting. She couldn't wait for _that_ either, the idea of seeing Emily again also pulling at her chest.

Was it wrong to feel it for two people? Likely. It was different though, for Emily it was the puppy dog love that everyone wants, that you get sickeningly sweet over, while Regina got right to the punch. Janis didn’t see Emily in a sexual way, at least not yet. That's what she told herself anyway, that the business with Regina was stopping her from feeling for Emily to her full potential.

But now she was feeling an attachment to Regina and that means things got _complicated_ . Janis had survived this far by separating those feelings, letting her self enjoy the cute flirting with Emily while indulging in the lust Regina brought. They don't mix. _They shouldn’t._ Regina wasn’t deserving of her real affection and Emily.. What Janis felt was much too innocent to think about the latter.

Yet here she was, mind spinning with the last week as she numbly wrote down notes. She barely registered the words she copied, she was sure they were crap. But the professor, or the few sleepy students around her, didn't pay any notice to how distracted she felt.

When English got out, Janis meandered her way to the art building and set up in the meeting room, the same one that she painted and chatted with Emily on Sunday. A few familiar faces where there, a few faces she knew from her art classes, a few that she only knew through the club. Emily wasn't there yet, so Janis found a seat in the pre-made circle of chairs in the middle of the room. A phone hooked to a speaker sat by the sinks, playing what she had learned was _Joji_ , a mix of relaxed beats that hummed in the background as everyone chatted.

This was Soul Strokes, a band of roughly fifteen people who mostly had a bohemian look to them,  lounging about while talking mediums. As Janis found a seat and pulled out a sketchbook, She silently listened to the few beside her.

“It’s the only way to do it, no worries about mixing paints and matching shades, just the harshness between the luxurious cream canvas and the black void of the charcoal. Creates a stunning contrast.” Commented one girl, a blonde who had her feet up on another chair, leaning back as the guy she spoke to stood, leaning at the table beside her.

“It’s all fun till you have black gunk under your nails for days.”

“If that's all you complain about, wear a glove.”

It was playful in nature, as the guy pushed her shoulder jokingly and pulled the seat from her feet, setting it beside her to join her. Janis on the other hand turned in her seat, so she was able to use the table behind her for its intended use. Looking up from her sketchbook, she spotted Emily step in. Meeting eyes, they smiled to each other.

“Hey,” She sighed, a little breathless from rushing from wherever she was before.

“Hey,” Janis greeted, tucking a foot under her butt as Emily found a seat beside her. She scooted the stool to the same table, unpacking her own sketchbook. She noticed Emily eye her for a moment, smile still toying at her pink lips.

“You look bothered.” She commented plainly.

“It’s been.. a day.” Janis admitted, leaning into the table. “Honestly, I’m glad to finally destress and chat.”

“School or girl problems?” The other pressed, as she began sketching lines in her book.

“Girl problems.” Janis replied squarely, eyes drawing down to her own paper. She tended to not like leaving blank space, at least no sections big enough for something, so she was continuing off some anatomy ‘notes’.  Starting a vague shape of a body, She glanced up as Emily continued.

“Do you want to talk about it, or..” She asked, meeting eyes.

As Janis sized out the limbs, their arms above their head and resting on the crown of the skull. It was from behind she decided, the sketch of hands appearing in front of the rough shape that was the skull.

“You know the girl I told you about? The old classmate?” She replied as she sketched.

“Yeah?” Emily was sketching her own figures,  someone sitting in a chair, legs spread, leaning forward in a power pose. Janis briefly mused how she was miles better than her as it came to the fluidity of the human body.

“Not only had she made out with me, but she apologized for this really, really fucked up thing she did to me way back in middle school. It’s left me in a bit of a mess.” Janis admitted, looking between her and her own sketches. The paper had a few figures, faceless and detail-less, in various poses. She was still deciding on a good pose, something she could turn in to her anatomy class.

“What had she done?” Emily asked, meeting Janis eyes momentarily. Something clicked, and her eyes widened in concern. “Only if you want to tell me, I don't want to pry,”

“Are you sure?” Janis smiled, as the other fell into a coy grin.

“Okay, maybe I do. But only if you’re comfortable.”

Still smiling, Janis took a long breath and let it fall from her face, feeling the echo of betrayal ring in her chest. “She outed me before I even knew who I was. Called me nasty names and had a band of kids join her. I had to take the rest of the year off from the stress.”

Emily’s expression faltered from the first few words, pencil  being left in the center spine of her book. She reached out a hand, sympathy overcoming her pretty features. She rested her hand on Janis’, fingers curling between her palm and thumb. Janis heart leapt, but the feeling subsides quickly.

“I’m sorry, Janis. That must have been awful.”

Janis _was_ over it. Mostly. She had made a point to be over it, when Regina got hit by a bus. It wasn’t far to her to still resent her as vehemently as she did after that.

And honestly? Janis was making progress with that. Damian wasn’t sure she’d be able to be in the same room with the blonde for an extended period of time, let alone hold small talk with her. _Progress_.

Janis hasn’t forgiven her, but her pent up anger was gone. Disappeared with the guilt of what she did her to her Junior year settled in sickly. Regina claimed it was _‘whatever’_ and refused to talk about it since. Cady had gotten Jains to speak with her early senior year, and that was brief and emotionless. At least since, their relationship seemed to be stagnant as acquaintances.

It was enough for Janis, she could live with the _attempt_ at being better. She never expected the queen bee to actually change. And she hadn't, looking at how she was acting now. It was all confusing, her mind bouncing back between the apology, the nights together, and how distant and rude she acted in between. She was an enigma.

“It’s whatever now,” Janis replies softly, shrugging off the look Emily gave her as she pulled from her thoughts. “Really. It was middle school, we both kinda grew into better people, you know? Or, at least I hope so.”

As she spoke, her jacket pocket buzzed against her leg. Pulling it out, expecting Damian or Cady to show up, she was greeted with an unknown number, labeled with a single red heart.

She made sure Emily didn't see as confusion passing her features, before realization hit. When did she have time to give the artist her number?

“Sorry, I gotta take this,” She said, pulling the still vibrating phone to her chest as she stood.

“Go ahead, I’ll be here.” Emily smiled encouragingly, before leaning over her sketchbook again.

Stepping away from the circle, Janis made her way outside to the wide hallway open to the campus. No one was in sight, thankfully. She answered, quickly lifting the phone to her ear.

“Why am I getting grilled by Cady and Gretchen about you?” Regina’s voice rang immediately, anger present in her tone. Janis had forgotten the innocent promise to ask Regina about the apology. _Shit_.

“They--”

“You better have not said anything, Sarkisian, because I swear--”

“Regina.” Janis broke through, her voice stern. The blonde on the other end quieted, taking a faint moment to re-approach.

“Explain.”

Janis sighed, turning from the club meeting to walk down the hall. “They were suspecting, so I told them you apologized. And nothing else. You can breathe easy, _your highness_.”

“They suspected you and I?” Her voice came through, audibly calmer than when Janis first picked up, now, it was almost concerned. She crossed her arms hair falling into her face as she lazily stepped down the path.

“You’re not the only one who noticed I was staring,” Janis replied sheepishly, before putting her lips in a thin line. “Speaking of, we need to talk.”

“I thought our _little meeting_ was enough to get the point across to stop,” Regina sounded kerfuffled, ignoring her second comment.

“I distinctly remember you asking for the opposite.” Janis let slip, lips turning up as she could actually _hear_ the blonde gape before replying.

“Beside the point. Any more slip ups, and you’re dead meat, Sarkisian.”

Janis sighed, a little tired of her threats. She had made herself clear, many times ago.

“Again, we need to talk.”

“Don't change the subject, I was yelling at you.” She didn't sound angry, a bit annoyed maybe. Janis ignored her.

“Shush, you. There uh, seems to be a little flaw in your no-feelings-plan.”

“What.” She questioned, likely crossing her arms. Jeez, it was almost like she was there with Janis, she could guess her mannerisms.

“I was talking with Karen and Gretchen, and they told me you have a habit of talking about me while drunk.”

Regina went quiet. It took a few moments for her to reply, voice now gentle, though the cadence matching her normal ‘take no shit’ attitude.

“All bad things, I can assure you. Is that all?”

“Regina, drop the bullshit.”

“What? Just because we’re fuck buddies doesn't mean I have to be like _in love_ with you.”

It was Janis’ turn to go quiet. Her face scrunched, she paused in her step, and she left the blonde hanging.

Should it hurt to reaffirm what Janis originally thought? That Regina was only using her for some perverted desires? No, the artist shouldn't let herself feel like shit over this. She bit back tell her that her words hurt, knowing the blonde would get no guilt from it. If she felt things like that, she wouldn't have hurt Janis all those years ago. They wouldn't be where they are now.

“I’m sorry, I didn't mean it like that.” Regina piped up in the silence Janis made, which made the artist straighten. She sounded sincere.

“You’re apologizing for something rude you said.” _Someone, save that audio clip._

“Oh, don't rub it in. You know what I mean, Janis. The bullshit is _between_ us, we ignore it long enough to get off.”

“I’ve attempted, numerous times, to talk with you about it. Like a real human being.”

“Stop being a bitch, Janis.”

“Big words from the Queen ‘B’ herself.”

Janis could have mistaken it, but it sounded like Regina scoffed back a laugh. “You’re just full of clap backs, aren’t you?”

Janis let her lips fall into a thin line again. “I hated you for years. I had lists.”

“And now?” Her voice seems hesitant.

“I mean, I still have them, I’ll have to dig in my junk from high school but--”

“No _dumbass_ , about hating me.”

There was a certain level of amusement in her tone, as if after presumably rolling eyes she was genuinely curious if the artist felt that way still.

Janis took a beat to reply, choosing her words before speaking. “I realized at Spring Fling that hate is a strong word, and I was only feeding into my own anger.” Janis replied in a small voice, eyes glancing down to the art room she was in before. Was the door always open a crack?

“That’s.. mature of you.”

“A lot has changed over the last two years.”

They fell into a silence, one that didn't seem tense like the previous ones. Their tones were too gentle, compared to the brash voice Regina greeted her with only a few minutes ago. She really was something, the blonde’s emotions giving the artist whiplash. Suppose she was the same, there were many times her emotions rose and fell in quick spikes.

In the silence, Janis realized she wasn't any closer to what she wanted from Regina, still wanting to talk about the rise in feelings. Unlike her anger, the ache in her chest held stagnant, up and up and up.

“How long have you been liking me, Regina?” Janis asked softly, looking down, she kicked at the loose dirt that had swept up onto the cement, grinding it under her boot.

“You’re not going to take any more snarky comments, are you.”

Janis almost grinned at that, the blonde was learning. “ Please, spare me.”

Regina took a long moment to reply, as if unsure how much she wanted to reveal.“I realized I liked you when that damaged dye job of yours grew out, and you kept it how it was, in the middle. For having a fuck ton of split ends, you pulled it off.”

“Gee, thanks.” Janis rolled her eyes. “Maybe I should have had you do my blonde, I heard _your_ dye job is close to flawless.”

“How did-- _Fucking_ _Gretchen_.”

“Hey, don't kill the messenger. I think your _dark blonde_ roots weren’t the big gossip when Caty pulled that.”

“Don't remind me.”

“Hm.” Janis replied, for once enjoying the banter. There was no malice, no anger. Sure, calling the artist out on her bad attempt at going blonde way back when wasn’t the nicest thing, but She felt this was as close as she’d get as affection from the girl, at least for the phone call.

“Where are you, anyway?” Janis asked after a short moment, glancing about what she could see of campus. The sun had set rapidly, the quad between the building she sat and the Gen-Ed buildings almost pitch black. Good thing the art building wasn't a long walk from the dorms.

“Second floor bathroom at the Library.” Regina answered coolly, pausing only to smile into the speaker. “Why, are you close by?”

Janis wasn’t. But she hesitated anyway. Instead of giving a real answer, a observation came to mind.

“For being so adamant about keeping us a secret, you sure have a thing for exhibitionism.”

Janis could hear her hum softly into the mic. “Why, didn’t you like having _fun_ in the showers?”

Ah, Janis went pink at her words. Sure it was, it was _exhilarating_ , but that wasn't the point. Still, the vision of Regina, head back and wet eyelashes fluttering faintly as Janis made _work_ on her, danced in a slow daunting circle before her head cleared again.

“I’m hanging up now, Regina.” She replied, a weakness in her tone. She was sure Regina caught it.

“Boo, you’re no fun.” The artist could almost hear her smirk.

“Goodnight to you too.” She continued, only holding the phone to her ear to confirm the other shuffled to end the call, too.


	5. chapter five. velvet.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry everyone! This took a little (a lot) longer then I thought, with college getting in the way and some personal stuff. As of posting tho I'm almost two chapters ahead and I'll space them out a little better this time. Now go ahead and enjoy!

The rest of the night went smoothly, she chatted good naturedly to Emily about things, ranted about how weird the human body was, and came up with some aesthetically pleasing ideas for their next projects. It seemed that Emily mostly used this time to plot out school work pertaining to art, which being a year above Janis meant her schedule was filled with those core classes.

They left the Regina situation alone for the rest of the night. Which Janis was happy about, she realized she’d have to keep her and Regina separate if she was going to stay sane. Emily was cute, and was a lot of fun to be around, but Regina was the bigger fish and demanded more attention, till they both figured out what they were doing, where it was going..

Did she want it to keep going?

Sure, the sex was good. Actually, really good. Regina provided what she never could do to herself, and it was thrilling. The fact that she was feeling this way about Regina was still foreign, but she was still getting used to seeing Regina without hate on her mind. Having these backward feelings for her sucked, in a way. What would Damian and Cady say? Oh, she couldn't bare to think of that. Janis felt bad for hiding this whole thing from them, but it was easier to handle without them both on her back about it, or to be faced with how conflicting this all was to how she used to think of Regina. 

It was strange that casual sex was making her see the blonde differently. She was still a bitch, she still treated her like she had before. But Janis had been able to breach the surface of that, and saw a different Regina. In a way, it was like having the old Regina back, before popularity ruled and she morphed into the plastic monstrosity in high school. Just this time, she was moaning Janis’ name and they weren't stupid kids.  


Janis never thought she’d allow this sort of relationship. She wanted, or at least she fantasized about long, loving relationships, through the good times and bad, someone to share both sides of the coin-- the coin that was currently split into Emily and Regina. Janis didn't feel what she felt for Emily with Regina, and honestly, the opposite, too. Maybe if Regina hadn’t come along with the needy lust, Janis could feel normal about Emily.

It was starting to feel wrong, pining over Emily. It was a fleeting feeling, but every so often the brunette would smile with dimples, or flutter her eyelashes in surprise or when joking, and Janis would go a little tingly. She felt it from her fingers to her chest. It was so much more  _ innocent  _ next to what Regina did to her.

Thinking of the devil, Janis’ phone buzzes again as they pick up their things, everyone packing up and trickling out. It was a text this time, one that made Janis knit her brows.

 

From: ❤️

 

_ Are you in my dorm?? _

 

Janis looked at it for a long moment, pencil pouch halfway in her bag. Was this a summons? It was a weird way of stating it, even for the blonde. If this was her attempt at hiding a technological trail of their rendezvous, it wasn’t working.

“Is that the girl you were talking about?” Emily chimes, zipping her jansport bag before flinging it over her shoulder.

“Oh, uh,” Janis stumbles, pursing her lips together before clicking the screen off and doing the same, shoving phone and all  in her bag. “Yeah. She might be.. drunk or something. Texting nonsense.”

“If you say so,” Emily smiles with a raised brow, before gesturing for them to go. Janis follows, falling in beside her as they march off to the dorms.

“Soo, how’s college so far?” she asks, hand on her bag straps as they walk.

Janis glances over to her, smiling a bit. Leave it to Emily to make an answer to the most mundane question cute. “The school part? It’s going great. The workload is heavy but manageable, so far. Its the social aspects getting to me.” She replies, sharing a laugh with the other.

“I really don't know what to tell you, Janis. I spent my first year studying in Hawaii, it’s  _ so  _ different.” 

“I’d say so.” Janis replies, hands wringing around her cloth over-shoulder bag strap. “What about here, how’s your first year of  _ real  _ college?”

Emily smiles, biting her lip like she always does when being cheeky. “Well, the school part has been fine and dandy, but the social aspects..” She glances over to Janis, who can't help but to blush from that damn look, her eyes looking up to her with fluttery eyelashes. Emily then leaned into the artist’s shoulder and lower her voice. Not that anyone was nearby to hear.

“At least I found someone great to spend it with.” She breaks her smile then, showing teeth before pulling away. She lead them into the dorm doors, opening the door for Janis who was still smiling. 

“And I’m guessing that's me,” Janis replies with a playfully raised eyebrow, watching her as she steps past her, following beside the brunette as they walk towards the stairs.

“Who else would it be?” Emily grins, leading them up the stairs. “Walk me to my dorm?”

The look she tosses over her shoulder at Janis makes her melt a little.

“Okay,” she complies easily, following her to the second floor.

Emily’s room was around the corner of the second floor, just off the common room. 

“Well,” She starts, unlocking the door and letting it ease open a foot before glancing back to Janis. “I’d invite you in but you’d have to buy me dinner first.”

Janis knows she’s joking, by the way she grins and nudges Janis shoulder playfully. A giggle falls from the brunette’s lips. It all still makes Janis turn pink as she laughed a little too.

“I’ll keep that in mind then,” Janis hears herself reply, before Emily pulls her into a hug. She seemed so natural, like their rise in flirtatious banter wasn’t happening.

“Okay,” She laughs in her ear, before stepping away in inch into her dorm. “See you tomorrow?”

“See you.” Janis smiled, giving a little wave as they both turn from the door.

This is what relationships should feel like, it was what Janis wanted. The warm, tingly feeling spreading through your chest and face, overlapping butterflies in your stomach that feel like they’re going to burst, soft words and playful flirting, it made Janis’ heart jump, stepping away from her dorm.

As much as she wanted to go back to her own dorm and revel in the fluttery feeling, she knew she should probably see what Regina was going on about, the text still lingering the the back of her mind. Was it to summon her for sex? Janis wasn't sure how she felt by answering it, if it was. Cady was expecting her, so she's have to regect the blonde. She momentarily wonders if she didn't have somewhere to be, if she'd still say no.  


Instead of stopping at her dorm she continued, walked up the stars to the next level. Walking down the hall, she notices the door is an inch open, the light on inside. Worst thing, her roommate was there with her and the artist would keep it vague. If she was alone, then maybe she could talk to the blonde, stemming off from their phone call. Taking a little breath, she gave the open door a few raps before pushing it open with her knuckles, speaking vaguely as she steps in.

“Hey,  I got a text from you--”

Janis eyes meet two pairs, a wide eyed Regina leaning on her side table, and a jock, the same one from before that left Regina’s dorm before the party. He had turned around, facing her more than initially,  _ erect penis _ standing proud between his red Letterman jacket buttons. He grinned a little, almost as if he expected the artist to join them. 

Regina’s roommate being here was  _ not  _ the worst outcome.

“Oh my god!” Janis screeches, yanking the door shut, hand white knuckling the knob, pinching her eyes closed as if pained by the image. She was no stranger to drawing the human body, more specifically the male body in Anatomy, but in class it was.. Different.  _ Placid _ . A little boring, really, once you got over the idea of it being a penis, since you were primarily drawing the rest of the body anyways. It wasn’t filled with a sexual purpose that hung heavy in the air of Regina’s dorm room.

Janis was skirting down the hall in a hurry, disappearing down the hall before Regina could open the door and stop her, the blonde scowling at the flip of Janis’ coat as she rounded the stairs with speed.

When Janis made it back to the dorm, she didn't mean to slam it behind her, startling Cady who was sitting at her desk. The red head stared up at her, unsure if she should be concerned or not before Janis lets the first thought fall from her lips that woulndn't perjure herself.

“For fucks sake, dicks are disgusting,” She declares, strained in tone. A look if relief crosses her features as it sinks in that she's in her dorm, away from  _ that  _ whole situation.

What  _ was  _ happening?

It all came crashing down on the artist like a slab of limestone on her chest, heavy and jarring as the wind felt like it was knocked form her. Regina must have accidentally sent that text, which explains the awkward phrasing. But she was expecting that guy to be in her dorm? Just because Janis said no, she was hopping onto the next thing with a heartbeat? It made Janis’ stomach twist. Did that mean Janis was catching feelings? Why else would it feel so shitty seeing her with someone else? Her mind reeled.

As Janis boils in the ramifications, Cady gives a surprised snort of laughter, before looking up to the artist with a softer expression. “I mean, they’re not attractive by any means.” Cady agreed, furrowing her eyebrows at her friend. She couldn’t imagine it being that bad, sensing something that seemed off with the artist, something much more serious. “..Why?”

The idea of Regina sleeping around with other people, regardless of gender, made that rising attraction fall to the pit if her stomach like some red-hot rock. It made her chest seize, her shoulders tense. Why should she expect Regina to be exclusive to her? It’s  _ Regina  _ for fucks sake, she said it herself, she only was using her for sex. The Shane Oman event junior year should have told her plenty.

“Emily’s roommate.. “ she could barely speak, and she had nothing good to explain away the crushing feelings falling around her. She couldn't even hold back that sinking feeling falling with her voice. She finally moved from the door to her bed, falling on her back as emotions ripped through her veins.

Janis’ mind was reeling, the shame settling in, the abasement of letting herself feel this way for the blonde circling around her head in sickening cycles. How dare she let herself get that way for that bitch? _ Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

“Oh,” Cady replied sympathetically, not knowing of the true turmoil her best friend was going through under the surface. She knew this was an overreaction to just seeing the other genders genitals. Her best friend’s reaction confused her, and she just wanted to know more, to help, if she could. She began by moving to sit on Janis’ bed with her, hand on her knee.

Janis covered her eyes with her sleeves, trying to shove that emotion far back in her mind. She wanted to forget, She wanted this to just be her accidentally seeing some assholes dick, to laugh it off with Cady, but it  _ wasn't _ , it was so much more than that.

“You okay?” Cady asked softly, settling into the comforter on Janis’ bed.

Janis gulped, squeezed that rising knot in her throat till it succeeded back down her esophagus.

“Yeah,” Janis managed after a moment, sitting up with a hardened expression. She could tell Cady knew there was something more going on, and she was in no state to be spurting the truth, she knew that, and held her tongue. “Lets just-- not talk about it, okay?”

Janis glanced over to Cady, seeing the internal struggle to either comply or push. If Damian was here, he wouldn't leave her alone till she spilled what was bothering her.

Janis realized just how grateful she was to have a friend like Cady.

“Sure, yeah, you can tell me when you feel comfortable,” She gave, with a little nod. Janis could see the search in her eyes for a topic to move to, quick to distract in hopes it would help instead.

“Damian left his little projector thing here, want to watch Netflix instead?” Cady asked hesitantly, where Janis smiled softly.

“Yeah, that'd be nice.”

Cady lit up a little, scurrying off the bed to get the small, book sized box from her desk. 

While Cady was distracted, Janis took a long breath. It took a lot of restraint not to just spit out all that had happened, to let her rapidly overlapping feelings flow and curse out Regina and all that what Janis saw implied. 

But Janis has better control than that, as much as the blonde had been working out things with a therapist all senior year, Janis had been trying to control her temper, a feat in itself. It wasn't healthy, but she balled it up and shoved that emotion down, sucking in air to keep a non-questionable expression going.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Cady chimed, the light of the projector hitting her side of the room in a large rectangle, blue as she connected it to her little chromebook. Damian had taught her, in the case he wasn't there to set it up. Cady fiddled with it, setting both on top of Janis’ desk as she scrolled through Netflix. They were currently binging  _ Riverdale _ , which was in instant pick as the screen changed to display the laptop screen, show loading.

“Yeah?” Janis cleared her throat, tossing her one of her pillows as Cady crawled in beside her again so they could lounge and watch.

“Aaron had asked me out on a date tomorrow night, he was wondering if you and your mystery girl wanted to come, make it a double.”

Janis’ heart sank. ‘I don't know about that, Caty.”

“We thought, you tell her we’re all just hanging out, which is true! Just a casual movie then dinner at Lorenzo's.”

Janis pursed her lips together, shaking her head. She couldn't even fathom having that conversation with Regina, with bigger waves hitting their boat. Her lips drooped to a concerned frown at the thought. “I gotta say no.”

“Alright, alright. What about Emily?”

A spike of serenity ran up her spine.  _ Emily _ . Soft and sweet, the opposite of Regina. The other side of the coin let anger bubble up in her chest, the words Regina still tossed after what had happened, the realization of not being partial to each other sending waves of white hot up her spine. Yeah, a double date with someone who seemed like  _ they actually cared _ did sound fun.

“I can ask her.” Janis said simply after a moment, an airy tone settling in her words as she fished the phone from her bag.

Cady nodded, puffing the pillow before laying sideways on Janis bed. As Janis piled the pillows too, curling up against the wall with pillows under her arm, she sent a text.

 

To: Emily

 

_ What if I did treat you to dinner and a movie? _

 

Letting that send, the anger simmered off just slightly. Emily was like the base and Regina was the acid, Janis was just the test tube with these combating chemicals. She made it better, eased the instantaneous feeling of betrayal from the blonde. It still was there, bubbling itself in Janis’ emotions, but the idea of Emily, so soft spoken and sarcastic, lowered the artist’s heart rate. She let these feelings rest just under the surface, her eyes watching the screen but her mind somewhere else.

It was bound to happen, the artist was surprised it took this long for her to find out Regina had other lovers. It was unfair that Regina was dragging her on like that, pulling moans from her lips only to move onto the next person in her way. The artist was just part of the cycle, she’d come around again, corner her in the library or in the showers, and try melting Janis down to a moldable body to use for her own needs.

She felt stupid for falling for it, for letting it happen. The first time was a honest mistake, but the second? What had stopped her from pushing her away? She was an  _ idiot _ , blinded by the need for the touch, the need to shut her up with her own needs.

 

From: art freak

 

_ It would sound like a date _ 😉

 

Janis’ feelings melted away with a soft smile. Who cares about Regina, anyway? She got the details from Cady and texted them to Emily. Her anger was being fueled, yet cyphoned into the underhand revenge that was taking Emily on the date. She could imagine it-- _ I've met someone, I'm not letting you use me anymore _ or something of that nature. Beside the sizzling emotions she could imagine two versions of Regina. The one that would retort something backhanded in reply, hand on hip. The other seemed to come from the soft faced, seemingly genuine Regina, who now seemed like a red herring for luring Janis into bed. Whatever reaction that version of Regina had, Janis tossed it from her mind knowing it was just hopeful thinking, underneath and angry need for rebuttal. 

Jumping out of her skin she was yanked-- or more literally slapped-- from her thoughts, Cady smacking the artists leg gently, yet repeatedly. 

“Hm?” Janis replied, eyes focusing on the screen. Suddenly she knew why Cady was so excited, Cheryl and Toni were locking lips, screen paused as Cady made sure Janis witnessed it.

Brewing thoughts dropped, she realized she hasn't been paying close enough attention. Soft crush Cheryl was into girls? That was a fictional victory if she ever saw one.

“Maybe you have a chance with Cheryl anyway,” Cady laughed lightly, un-pausing the episode, both girls actually watching now. Janis just rolled her eyes as the scene unfolded.

“In the chance I get mysteriously transported to the Archie comics universe, I’ll have hope.”

 

* * *

 

They fell asleep to a grainy _Riverdale_ , half on top of each other before Cady stumbled and curled into her bed at about two in the morning. The glow if the ' _ still watching?' _ message almost acted like a night light before she turned off the projector, as Janis easily stripped the layers of her clothes as she sat up, ending in a bralette and pajama shorts-- reusing the perfectly re-wearable pair from last night, still in arms reach from the bed. She turned over under her covers easily after that, mind barely circling around the nights events.

The next day went by fast. They both had classes, 8ams and two after lunch. Janis was still hurt over what she had witnessed, and Cady could tell she was off. The artist was quiet as they got ready, dressing in cozy Adidas pants and a Ramones tee, with a staple jacket. She’d put her hair up if it was any longer, so instead she straightened it and followed Cady out. Janis kept an eye out as she walked to her classes, curious if Regina dare to approach her after last night. The idea of chewing her out in public sounded almost tempting, if it wouldn't out her. As mad as she was, she wouldn't sink that low. 

Suspicions rose at lunch, when the red-head mentioned grabbing a shower before her next class. Without a beat Janis chimed in, asking if she could join her. After all, the showers seemed like prime territory for Regina to corner her, and Janis couldn't have that.

“Why? You’ll have time after your English. I wont get a long enough break till we get ready and meet our dates.”

“Ooh, Jan has a date?” Damian wiggled his brows, pointing his plastic fork at her. “Mystery girl?”

“No, Emily.” Cady answered, excitement sparking her eyes. 

“Art club girl? Ooh, Janis.”

Janis just rolled her eyes, a smile hinting her cheeks before she went back to the topic at hand. “It’s just last shower I took with Regina-” She stopped before she went farther, faltering momentarily as the two friends looked at her with wide eyes before Janis covered quickly.

“She uh, she cornered me a while ago, and said some nasty things. Last thing I need is to have a repeat of it, so with Cady there..”

“When have you ever needed someone to hide behind, Janis?” Damian asked blantantly, concern hitting his features. “You didn't just.. Rip her a new one?”

“I’m not hiding.” Janis sounded defensive, which she defused with a heavy sigh through her teeth. “Look, I thought she was over it when she apologized, but obviously not. I don't need her and her bitchy attitude.”

Cady and Damian shared a look, as the artist dug her nails into her wrist, just under her jacket. Last thing she really needed was them asking questions, to pry and force the truth out of her..

Especially not now. She was too emotionally compromised to be properly harboring secrets from them two.

“Are you feeling okay?” Cady asked first, eyes furrowing as she tilted down, capturing the artists eyes.

“I’m fine! Fucking fine, guys, don't worry about it.” Janis defended, glancing between her two friends. “She’s just being a bitch again, and I have enough to deal with.”

“Like what? Homework? Is this about the mystery girl?”

“Fucking-- I don't know,” Janis sighed, desperately trying to cut this conversation short. She let her head fall into her hands, holding her forehead by her fingertips. Just the thought of Regina now gave her a headache. “When  _ do  _ we know what the problem is, with her?”

Janis couldn't handle her friends pressing. Thoughts raced in their silence, that they were connecting the dots, that they were going to find out and be mad at her for not telling them sooner. The idea of them deserting her like Regina had in eighth grade flashed in her mind, but she quickly dismissed it, knowing she was being irrational.

They had to understand, right? That it’d be against everything she was mad at Regina for to just start gossiping about her like that? Sure, Cady and Damian would keep a secret, but what if Gretchen found out? It would definitely make it to Regina and it would be war, college edition.

“Well okay,” Cady answered after a moment, in a much softer tone than Damian, who immediately saw warning flags seeing Janis like this.  “Whatever you want, we can go together.”

“I’m sure it's just old habits dying hard, all that.” Damian chimed in after that, perking from his concerned look. He’d ask later, when Cady and the handfuls of students weren’t around. “If not, I’ll go to the showers with you, give her a piece of my mind.”

“Ew, Damian,” Janis chastised, breaking a smile as Cady laughed at the idea. Relief flooded her veins; she was sure she wouldn't hear the end of it if they had any real suspicions. “No. I’ll just go in with Caty, and hope Regina gets over whatever crawled up her ass.” This received a more relaxed look, an old anecdote from their high school days. It was at least normal of her to bash Regina.

The rest if the afternoon went without issue. They finished classes, retreated back to their dorm and begun the process to getting ready. Cady made a mess of it, as if she couldn't find something in the back of her small closet. Janis got ready in only a few minutes, changing her pants to a dark skinny jean.

“Aw, Janis,” Cady chimed glancing over at her as the artist glanced through her little jewelry dish of rings. 

“What?”

“You're not going to dress up for the date?” She smiled, while Janis rose a brow.

“It’s just a movie and dinner,” she replied lightly, already seeing where she was going.

“That doesn't mean you can't dress up a little,” she said, before setting her to be outfit on her bed: a army green tank top with a worn elephant silhouette over the chest and skinny jeans, something that would look cute with her cargo jacket. 

“You're not dressing up,” Janis pointed out, was Cady flicked through the artists wardrobe.

“Not like I used to, with the plastics and all,” She commented, half distracted by the plethora of lace, fishnet, and ancient band tees. What was wrong with Ramones? It was something her and Emily had in common. “Aaron got me that tank senior year, said it reminded him of me. I’ve made it tradition to wear it whenever we do something date-date-ish.”

When she surfaced from the waves of dark colors, she had a smile on her face, and a red tank in her hands. Just behind Cady what looked like something white fell in her closet, which idly reminded Janis that it was about time to clean up and clean out her closet. “Look, different and a little dressy, but not all out, right?”

Janis furrowed her brow, stepping over to take the fabric in her hands. It was a thin, velvet tank top, with a deep v neckline with thin straps. It was basically like one of her bralettes, but in the weirdest fabric and barely a shirt. She had no idea where it came from, the tag missing but the plastic ring for it around one of the straps. And it was fucking velvet. It wasn’t something she’d buy in a thrift hunt with Damian or have gifted to her, and she would have definitely remembered this coming to her possession. Didn’t she just move in a few months ago? How was she already accumulating things from the void?

“How’d the hell that get in my closet?” Janis asked under her breath, looking at the fabric tag at the back, flipping it over a few times as if the answer would appear like a card trick. Meanwhile Cady fished the boots Janis was saving for when winter rolled around when she'd officially swap out her everyday boots for a new pair. They were a matte black, weather resistant leather that hugged her feet more than the worn glossy ones she wore all the time.

“We’ll figure it out after, Aaron said he’d be down stairs in twenty. Ten minutes ago.”

Janis sighed, tossing the mysterious shirt onto the bed, complying silently to go with Cady’s changes. She changed quickly as Cady did, the red-head sweeping her hair into a ponytail before a knock came to the door.

Janis smoothed her hair down as she grabbed her jacket, her shoulders feeling too bare with the spaghetti straps. The top was cute in theory, but it revealed more than she was used to. She looked at herself in the mirror quickly, gauging if she should hide it with the initial Ramones shirt. It wasn't a bralette now that she had it on, as it hung off her chest nicely, and at least covered what should be covered. It was still a lot of chest and a lot of shoulder though, and before she could protest Cady had opened the door, revealing Emily.

Janis sorta stood in awe for a second, the girl knew how to clean up. Instead of graphic tees and ripped jeans, she wore a simple button up blouse, a dark grey to compliment Janis’ new crimson top. She wore her hair tied back in little twists, pinned back into a low ponytail in all its messy-curl glory, at her dainty neck.

“Hey!” Cady chimed as she snagged her jacket from her chair. She nudged Janis out, following her as she closed the door.

“Hey,” Emily laughed, greeting the other as her eyes returned to Janis. “You look like I under dressed.”

Janis blushed faintly, as Cady locked up. “Blame this one. You look great, really.”

“Oh, Janis, flattery will get you everywhere,” She grinned, laughing as they both went a little pink at the maybe-joke. Sometimes Janis didn't know with her.

“Oh, hey, Regina,” Cady greeted in a change of tone, Janis’s head snapping to follow her roommates eyes to the blonde down the hall, stepping off the stair and coming towards them with purpose.

Until it faltered though, the blonde scanning Janis, then Emily, and the fact that Cady was wearing her 'date' shirt.

“Hey losers,” She greeted coolly, the falter in her step only lasting for a moment as she returned gaze to Cady. “I need to borrow your curler.”

Meanwhile Janis had gone pale, blood turning cold at the sight of her. Emily noticed, Cady too focused on Regina’s confident stride to their side. Janis felt a hand snake around her bare arm, a subtle gesture of comfort from her date.

“Oh uh, yeah one sec.” Cady then unlocked the just locked door. Opening it  for Regina to step in. 

They call could hear Cady’s phone buzz, signaling Aaron was downstairs.

“Regina, we’re kinda in a hurry,” Cady chimed,  glancing as the other leaned down to the small basket of hair and makeup goods Cady kept by her mirror.

“Date night, right? Just go, Janis has a key.”

“She’s actually also on the date? It’s-”

“Its fine, Cady. You go, introduce Emily to Aaron, I’ll be down in a minute.” Janis joined in, stepping into the doorway as Emily followed, hand still at her bicep.

“Oh..” A look crossed her features, glancing back to Janis as she allowed it. “Okay.” The artist gave her date a smile, letting Cady swap a key for Emily’s hand as she led her off down the hall. Cady jumped into small talk, avoiding the elephant in the room as they disappeared down the stairs.

“You’re going on a  _ fucking  _ date?” Regina seethed just as Cady and Emily disappeared, her voice low as she gripped the curler wand in one hand, meeting Janis at the door frame. She gladly stepped out of the way, a red hot spike running up her spine as they met eyes.

“Well you didn't seem partial, right?” Janis threw back just above a whisper, letting the other step out before closing the door and fumbling with the lock. It felt like her skin was on fire just with the sight of her, a distantly familiar feeling that she welcomed in stride. Her tone came out downright venomous. “What did you call it? Just for fun?”

“Janis-”

“No no,” Janis turned to her, just as she turned over the lock. “I’m not surprised, Regina. You can write me off your list now. Another notch in your bedpost, right?”

Regina was gaping for a moment, which Janis saw as an opportunity to turn on her heel, shoving the key in her pocket before flipping the jacket around and over her arms, as she took the first few stairs in twos.


End file.
